Cold.

I tried so hard not to cry.
I honestly did.
I managed. I did!
I managed to hold my tears back in your midst.

She saw me being emotionless.
She asked me, why are you being so cold.
I replied her with shivers.
...whispered, "because I killed my heart"... and continued walking in the rain.

She chased after me. Grabbed my shirt and tugged until I came to a halt. "You liar!" she said. You can't be alive if your heart's dead. Then I held her hand. Shook it off my shirt.
"Your touch is cold."

I wish I would never have to make that call.
Whatever said or done just kills me on the inside.
It pains me to know I've pain you.

I so wish I could cry now.
I need the release. I need to feel.
I don't want to be cold. Heartless not.
Pain. That's what I need.

Tears, won't you just fall for me?

Maybe I do not deserve them.
Tears are too good for me.
They are remedies for pain.
Maybe needed is the pain riding my heart.
Punishment for being selfish?
Greedy?

I just need your hug right now.
You put on a mask. I did too.
I saw yours through, yet doubting myself in it.
Maybe you are alright.
But who could ever be fine in moments like these.

Maybe what I'm thinking is right now.
-That you're ignoring me.
Casting me aside,
along with all the hurting I've only caused you.

You have every right to do so.
I don't think I have any right to ask more.
I secretly want to.
But that's not ever going to happen now, is it?

I was pushed aside.
Given away like a toy.
Yet I didn't say a thing.
I played along, wanted all that's best for all.

She said:
"But you can never make everyone happy.
So choose yourself. Cos you're all you've got."

Is it right?
What if I don't even know what I want?
How could I possibly fix what I know nothing of?

Lids to close, as tears finally fell.