Rob me of this carnival.

How can one feel so vulnerable yet invulnerable at the same time? 

Is it even possible? To feel strong and yet so weak? Or the matter of fact that that person is merely weak but just acting all tough? Or perhaps that person is just strong, but have been strong for so long that somehow it is now a right time to tear a little? I wonder if you put trust in the wrong place? I wonder if you're relying too much on he r? I wonder if he is toying with your emotions? I'm afraid. I feel pain once again. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm hurting because you are. I feel like you're lying to me. Hiding from me. Too much that you're keeping from me. Should I trust my instinct? They have been wrong. Should I trust my intuition? I've been fooled too many times to even know what's right or wrong anymore. It hurts. It's confusing. I'm lost. Tell me what I should or should not do. Should or should not think. Should or should not say. It's all a mess in my head. I wish I could tell someone about all this. I wish someone would hear what I have to say. But I don't think anyone would understand. There's so much I'm not telling you too. All the thoughts in my head. Perhaps I'm believing too much in other's good. Perhaps I'm just the type so vulnerable that I'd believe whatever you say, even if it was a joke. A sick joke.

I wonder if you feel the same. Is it just me? Or do you too?

I've learnt to trust again, please don't make me lose that, not again.

I don't want to implore, yet there it is again. Distance.