Super powers.

Feel like I'm losing my memory. 

Wish I could just blog anywhere and everywhere at any given time. But would it be too obvious and rude to just take a pen and paper out and write down my thoughts as they just randomly come? or by inspiration or spark of thought? 

.....I guess it would be.

 

Last thing I remembered about what I wanted to post was how scary it always has been to me. The thought of losing someone so dear to me. I treasure all my friends. Sometimes we may have our arguments and all. Even have cold wars. Things which we do not agree on and would just be politicians and murder each other through words. But at the end of it, you are still dear to me. And somehow we will just make it all work.

I saw how hands fit perfectly together. filling the gaps inbetween our fingers. Having the faith to hold and trust another is tough to do. Being in so many betrayals. So many backstabbing situations. Being the joke and the laughing stock of others for so many umpteen years. It is hard to believe and trust.

Held your hand and felt secure. Like being back in my shell. Being protected.

But that day when you did not hold my hand back when I held yours, memories and fears came back. The fear of being alone again. That the world, my world, is going dark again. The candle you were holding was being taken away as you left and I am force to stay in this room with nothing but darkness everywhere.

Black was and is still my favourite colour eventhough it isn't really a colour. But darkness isn't black. It is something from another realm which is just filled with emptiness and a void so vacuum that you just feel worthless, helpless and trapped. A bird just seeking for a way out from the cage. You see the outside world. You see the sky. But all you can do is NOT reach the sky.

I don't wish to be lonely. Somehow I just feel out. Like a black black sheep in a herd of black everything. Just so in yet so out. Being in with the peers yet.....just don't belong.

Being lost in a crowd. Or rather, in a crowd yet feel so lonely. I have not had this feeling for so long. I guess my ONLY super power has come back. 

I'm no superman or spiderman with tingling senses or super strength. But I do have the ability to be invincible to people. Feeling so invincible yet solid that people won't walk through me, but they can't exactly see me. Like a tree that's there by the road side. No one bothers to go up to it and talk to it or count how many leaves it has. Or even the ants crawling on it. Maybe a person or two will come up to it to etch their names on it with a heart somewhere in between, but no one will ask a tree how it feels even from the knife that has been sculpturing it into some beaux art-thingy. Just invincible that way. 

I guess the past do catch up. And I just have to either run faster or face it, accept it and change the fact of it.

So what will it be?

I guess time will tell. What is needed to be done will be done. Just watch.

Don't expect too much though. Just don't try to expect anything. I guess then you won't be disappointed or way too impressed? Don't want to be too predictable to you. Just wait and watch. Cos I have no idea what is yet to be. We'll all just have to wait. And pray for the best of it all.