Painting Flowers.

Absolutely love this song!

Strange maze, what is this place?

I hear voices over my shoulder,

Nothing's making sense at all.

Wonder why do we race?

And everyday we're running in circles,

Such a funny way to fall.

Tried to open up my eyes,

I'm hoping for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up, the dream isn't done.

I wanna see your face,

and know I made it home.

If nothing is true,

What more can I do?

I am still painting flowers for you.

Showed my cards, gave you my heart,

Wish we could start all over.

Nothing's makin' sense at all.

Tried to open up my eyes,

I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up, the dream isn't done.

I wanna see your face,

and know I made it home.

If nothing is true,

What more can I do?

I am still painting flowers for you,

I am still painting flowers for you.

I heard everything you said,

I don't wanna lose my head,

When I wake up,

the dream isn't done.

I wanna see your face,

and know I made it home.

If nothing is true,

What more can I do?

I am still painting flowers for you,

I am still painting flowers for you.

Just today.

Went for a movie.

Epic laughters.

It was a hilarious movie of my pick which made you laugh.

Which made me laugh.

Smiles contently.

...Mais pourquoi?

Pourquoi at-il d'être comme ça?

...But why?

Why does it have to be like this?

Then it ended with sadness and just pure sorrow.

Not from the movie.

The feeling of remorse.

Its saddening to know that I've caused someone their happiness.

...and that strips me from mine.

You made me cry.

"Someone shallow will believe in luck, but a wise person sees it as cause and effect"

A quote from the movie.

And i believe what goes around come around.

I guess my actions is what caused me how I feel now.

It's sad.

Blue to the core.

I'm shutting myself in now.

I don't want to be that one who causes this pain to myself by causing them to others.

Time, is all I ask for.

Broken - Secondhand Serenade plays in my mind now.

Someone, whose words means the world to me said, "..it's called being asservative"

"..and having your own opinion"

"..you just need to be arrogant once awhile. It helps"

Me saying, "...arrogant is a good thing?"

Someone then said, "..at times. it makes you more confident in yourself."

"..our actions is what set things in motion, and we'll have to live with that."

My face is all flush.

Eyes are all watery.

All I need now is sleep. To flush my mind out of all the things inside.

Not being there.

I miss my babes. and my one and only bitch.

My Dear and Darling. They both rock my world. Sadly they are now

186.411358 Miles away from me.

I hope they're having fun, though without me.

I kinda 'ffk-ed' them. FFK; 'fong fei kei', which in Cantonese literally translated means 'to put aeroplane', which means that to make a promise then to break it.

I honestly miss them. Keep reminiscing about the times we had, during our last semester break where we were at my hometown partying. And celebrated my Dear and my own's birthday there. They are so awesome. I miss the times we had. I really wish i was there with them now.

..but sadly, I couldn't go.

Cash is tight. And thus my boredom. My anguish. So pretermit.

I honestly anticipate the pictures and lomos that they will show me.

Deep down inside, I wanna be apart of those pictures.

I miss them. Wonder what they're playing.

Wonder what awesome food they're partaking.

What stuff they're critiquing. Stuff they're buying. Things they're admiring.

Wondering whether I crossed their minds. Chuckles.

I do miss them.

I miss you guys.

Can't wait to see you guys soon.

The 7 of you.

Rex&Min♥ Yee♥ Papa♥ Jye♥ Okzai♥ (and our new addition) KS♥

Fine line.

Don't you just hate AND LOVE it when some people don't have a mind of their own?

Everything is a blind follow.

No critical thinking.

And just follow what ever people just say.

I had a lecturer once said on the question asked about 'dumb questions people give'.

He answered that, if they are stupid, the people that pursue them to insist to ask more to get more answer or to stay on it are stupid.

I guess it kinda takes one to NOT KNOW one.

Not to know how silly the question is and to join in the arguement, right?

But there is no right or wrong.

And these are just my thoughts of stuff I'm thinking.

People have no say to what's right and wrong, but there's a fine line to them, right?

Everything has a fine line to it too.

Insanity and sanity.

Something so genius and something just MAD.

Laughs.

This world can't get anymore awesome than this.

To have debates about this. I love debates. Especially when there's a productive arguementative outcome to it. It kills boredom and puts human brains to good use, THAT's for sure.

Giggles.

More than simple.

I said 'Yes' when my heart said 'No'.

You want to see into my soul then screw and screw and screw til it's the end,

Then be done with me.

Everything is complex.

It always is.

Everything is screwing up.

I'm just not her.

We all are a little scared.

But is this fear talking?

..or is it me?

No one knows. Not even me.

It's just something more than simplicity.

Unreal, is what I want.

I lost control today. Everything I kept buried inside rushed to the surface. I just can't resist you. Things are so unreal. But what I feel when I'm with you is nothing BUT real.

Memories are too important, and if I don't write it down, I'd forget it. The playtime we had. The parties we had with drinks and movies, and the most I love was the chats we had. Our playtime is what I'd remember it by.

I left memories of you unwritten. Is it just me not having time? or do I unconsciously want to forget you? But you keep running through my mind somehow, never disappearing just reappearing especially when I really did needed you. Words just come to me when it's about you.

I don't want to forget.

It is what I want.

You are what I want.

But you're something I cannot possess.

Things are just so unreal.

You're so unreal.

I'm so unreal.

We both are.

Today will be different,it has to be.

I have a smile, and it will be believable.

My smile will say "I'm fine, thank you."

I gotta be someone new.

That's the only way I can make it through.

I have a plan to change who I was, create someone new.

Without a past. Someone just so alive.

But you can't escape them as much as you want to.

Just gonna make myself ready. For the good. I need it.

People say "I'm fine." But do you really every mean it?

I know the risks.

And what is life if you don't take risk.

It's scary. It's creepy. You know it's a fear.

But sometimes, doesn't being scared let you know you're on to something important?

Doesn't everyone deserve a choice to pursue what they want?

Doesn't everyone deserve a chance for love?

Doesn't everyone deserve to be given a chance? at least.

For the first time in a long time I feel good.

Should I go for it?

Honestly, I want to.

Secretly, I really do.

❤

Peanuts over you.

I miss you when you're not here with me. To be beside me. Eventhough no words are said, it's your presence that makes me feel just so content, so blissed, so happy. Now that you're gone, there's nothing to be felt other than dampness on my cheeks as the tears flow by them. Each song sang by him reminds me of you. Each song sang by her reminds me of you. You have become the soundtrack of my season. Never fading. I came to love the song "They all laughed" by Chet Baker.

'....They laughed at Wilber and his brother when they said that man could fly,...They laughed at me wanting you, said i was reaching for the moon, but all you came through now they'll have to change their tune. they all said we'll never could be happy, they laughed at us and how, but all who's got the last laugh now.'

I do wish that you'll come through, and me wanting you won't be laughed at now. I'm so peanuts over you. Just going bananas for you. But this will be something you'll never read about. So pour me some whiskey and let me retard away! No one can see me. Just invincible.

Infect you, infect me.

You know how infectious laughs are?

Sadness and depression works the same.

And sometimes more powerful than Happiness.

I've this resolution to be happy, and make others happy.

It pays off to see that you are able to put a smile on that sad face,

a tear of happiness to replace the sorrowful one.

But I've come to learn that it's hard to stay happy, when especially I have this really pessimistic mind that loves to put thoughts in my head. It's evil.

I love to cry.

He says it's okay for me to cry cos I'm a girl.

But I hate to cry.

It puffs my eyes and dehydrates me. Making me look like a goldfish.

Pouts. :(

But, it made me happy when I made someone who wasn't sad even happier;

though the person was trying to make me happy instead.

I was on the phone with my friend.

...

Me: I'm crying

XX: Why? Don't cry. smile.

Me: I can't help it, the tears just come.

XX: Come on, don't cry, please.

Me: I can't help it cos' I drank too much water and I didn't go to the toilet, so it came out the other way.

XX: Where got like tat one. Laughing.

Me: Got ler.

XX: Remember to drink more water okay?

Me: The more I drink, I shall cry more cos the toilet discriminates me and I can't go.

XX: (Tries to control from laughing) Silly.

Well, me being silly, kinda made someone else smile.

and the feeling of making others smile made me happy despite that I was crying.

So I guess it's not that hard to be happy now, is it?

It remains a mystery to me.

Human mind, especially my own, I shall never understand.

But for now, at least this happy thought here shall have to bare through.

I am now in search of laughters.

As contagious as it is, it's just the right medicine for me.

Cheers.

Silent night

Before I did love the night

It's dark.

It's cool.

It's quiet

and yet all bright,

with stars that lite.

and so lively with people around.

Thus me loving the night.

But now, it's dark.

It's cool.

It's quiet and lite,

but the silence of having no one around has made it something much scary to like.

It feels like 'Zombieland';the movie, all over.

No one around, and when there are people, you stop and stare.

wonder who they are. being all paranoid and stuff.

Wondering what they'd do.

Is it safe in the dark?

I love to think so.

Zombieland, that's what this is.

Irony all over.

Big Fish Moment with Pizza Hut.

...stomach growling with hunger.

It's like an orchestra in there, with horns and trumpets, trombone and all.

All playing their own tune. Its a mess of hunger! Moans.

He tugged on my shirt, then said, "Are you trying to starve me?"

Laughing, I said "Yes". Smirked, and asked him where did he want to eat.

Somehow, we ended up online, browsing for stuff to eat. And came upon this ad.

..hmm... looks yummy. Tempting.

So it was decided. Its FISH for tonight I said. We couldn't wait. He couldn't wait. His stomach was even more of an orchestra than mine was.

...like a Marching band on National day. Laughs.

On the way, the "Alaskan Pollock Fish Fingers", which are those EIGHT fish fingers, constantly popped in my head and the thought of it being lemony just made my mouth watered with excitement.

Yum Yum Yum. GLEE!

We had the regular. For 2. And the service was quick! -Exactly like what our stomachs both ordered. A quickie yummy meal!

The first to arrive is the Bread sticks. NOMS.

Then there's the creamy mushroom soup. Loves it with the bread.

Fed him some.

Then our BIG FISH KING came!

FINALLY!

The pizza as a whole. Look at how yummy it is.

Doesn't it just makes you want to go get one?

Fuu... look at the CHEESE!

Its so so so AWESOME.

...and its alot, as it was more than enough for two cheese lovers! Both him and I.

Here's the pizza. Yum Yum.

"Open up." Noms!

Exclusively only at PIZZAHUT!

This is all we had. And it was definitely pleasing.

"Loved the LEMON-ness.. and how brilliantly it matches the Mayo" , he said.

Below are shots taken by him.

I like the first one just below.

He liked the second shot he took cos the pizza was in the center of the picture.

But like his fav phrase, "Nothing is right or wrong."

So both are splendidly awesome!

Look at how hungry he was. Laughs.

It looks like he ate alot of stuff. (which he kinda did) Haha.

By the way, love the lightings at Pizzahut.

An add on for taking pics! LOVES.

Love the lightings the light above us (in the below picture) that gave me for the pictures.

We left, All full and contented.

Had loads of fun with him and wish to go for more fish soon. Giggles.

Til next time, and I reckon yal to try Big Fish King Pizza!

Noms away.

Cheers. ❤

Pretendency.

My new word. 'Pretendency'

It's Pretend + Tendency. To express of the tendency to pretend.

Every time you're not here.

Every time my mind's clear.

You have this way of creeping back into it.

Stubborn in my nature.

Yet you still push despite it.

But now it has become so repulsive.

Not even You could stand being close.

It's all numb. With no feelings.

But yet as similar as you, these tears come to haunt me.

I say I don't

I say I won't

But do you really know what I mean or do?

Words are deceiving.

Just as the mask that's living.

Lies.

An act one puts to deceive.

You know not of it.

But I do.

And honestly, it hurts to know the truth that you don't.

I'm watching those footsteps of yours. You're leaving.

Am I to stop you?

Am I to hold on tight?

Am I to just stare? and let this go?

Even my eyes are telling a lie.

You think you know me.

I think I do too.

Looking in the mirror, it tells a different story from what I know inside.

Its all a mask, a play that the main character is me.

Now all that's left, is what I pretend to be.

..so I guess you'll never get to see the real me.

..and never the tears I cry.

Tick Tock away and its hip hip huuray!

As the clock ticked its way to 2... papers were flipped and questions were read. Jaws dropped open then followed by "..WHAT(s)!?!" that flew right out of everyone's mouth. It was so hilarious despite the fact that my jaw dropped just the same yet, I couldn't help myself to resist from laughing.

Brainfarts! That's what it was, all the way. That's how it was throughout the intensifying 90minutes of my life. For the next 6 minutes after that were taken to check the paper, and filling up the other particulars. I did my knot in a bow, for it looked pleasant and way nicer than the writings inside. Scribbles and scratches. Everything was everywhere! A total mess. I hope it's readable despite all that commotion inside.

I've worked over the hot stove and given it all I've got. Now staring at the clock, seeing each second repeat itself over and over again. 15 more minutes to go. I couldn't wait for the time to be up. The draggy minutes were mortifyingly hard to pass. But I managed, we all did.

Prayers and all. I do pray all my papers will score.

For the next one we wait, being the last for some, my second last it wait.

Anxiously I wait for dear old Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... For twas the day when teddy arrives, my heart shall leap with surprise. ❤

It's so totally Y.

Da da Da.

I'm lost in confusion of what I did to you.

Why is it that you're being all mean.

It's so cold that it's freezing me too.

Why has it got to be the way it is?

Life is cruel and mean.

It lunges things at you. Although some good things.

How come I'm suffocating when it's your space I'm occupying.

Things don't make sense.

One minute is all happily ever after, and what'd you know, the next, the page has been ripped apart cos the author didn't see that it fit to play that happy part.

It's all a blur.

I'm as confused as you are.

Yet I don't think I am.

But you think that it's just you when all of it happened because of me.

Funny how life tickles you in the bone.

Not the funny bone.

But other bones which names are far from funny.

Da da Da.

Confusion makes the world go round, in a dizzy fickle-minded way.

That's the substance.

Houston, we have a problem.

We're out of fuel!

These few days and well you can basically say it has been the whole week!

Its such a drag to study especially when all you're feeling is nothing other than pure impairment of a normal physical health. A wee-bit close to being brainsick.

Its like an epidemic on the lose. But not that the outbreak of attacks are on many individuals. Just One individual in particular, with many attacks from all sorts of viral infections.

ROARS.

This one particular subject I'm going to have in less than 12hours' time, is the worst.

Not only is it filled with all sorts of theories with theories in them, it's so lengthy and tedious that I'm having loads of brain freeze. System Overload-much!

But every part of a sad ending has a happy one;

greener grass on the other side? Laughs.

So there's teddy again. *aww, just squeals at how adorable teddy is*

Honestly, teddy has become my motivation to push through the fog that's messing up the channel ahead. And I'm so overwhelmed by gratitude right now.

Little chats.

Little talks.

Short nasty messages,

and believe it or not,

that's all it took to get the engines to jump-start again.

The faces that you make.

The gestures, all so warm.

Even your snore puts a smile on my face.

It's the little things in life that makes it all worth while.

*Heart melts at the thought of the snore*

Laughs.

So I guess this break has got to come to an end.

No more bloggie...

...for its back to the books it is for me.

No matter how bad things may seem,

look round the corner, you may just get a glance at that gorgeous angel,

all sweet and kind, just out there looking for ways to bring things back to mind.

Cheers! And never give up.

Just because of a few road blocks and detours, doesn't mean you have to throw yourself down a cliff. So here I leave you with a cheerful heart. I hope you will too.

Funny bone

Multi tasking again as usual.

Msn-ing and revising.

...and Str asked me whether i was holding a pen in my hand; studying.

Thus the drawing below. ^^

[Convo]

"Me: how come I only have 4 fingers? @@

Str: CARTOONS only have 4

Me: haha. ok XD

Str: don't wana break the cartoon logic."

Some may think that it's just lame,

But honestly THAT tickled my funny bone. Laughs.

Cheers!