Pang.

Suddenly, everything just meant nothing.

Noes overtaking me.

Filling me with pessimism.

Need_to_stop_thinking.

It just hurts too much.

Effing do not compute why her words means so much,

...bothering me so much.

Turning me turmoil inside out.

Eating me on the inside...devouring me.

I wish to stop.

Just stop!

But I cannot.

Just_need_to_think.

Think.

Lies over lies, Lies under lies.

We are so accustomed to disguising ourselves to others

that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.

A lie told often enough becomes truth. -Vladimir Lenin

Law of closure?

Feeling of ....discontent?

...curiosity? ...a yearning?

..am here just wondering.

...wondering why I am there.

when they aren't.

But maybe it's a good thing.

A secure place where you put me.

Or just shutting all possibilities.

[Only Hope]

The song being sung now.

Will you sing it with me?

DSLR.

I miss my boyfriend.

Sony's his name.

Sony has been busy these days.

Well actually I haven't been good to him.

Have left him uncharged.

Need to charge him sometime soon and take him out to see the world,

and make more memories with him again.

It's time to make his debut again.

Last on scene.

DSLR.

Don't study let's rest.

Even though the books I should be at.

But all I can think of are distractions.

And guilt is overwhelming.

Resting now.

..and recuperating from it all.

22 slides.

This will be another epic revision session.

Hope that there will are some guidelines for the exams.

But sadly, there ain't any.

No sleeps again tonight I guess.

Coffee, my best friend.

I'm here to seek your guidance.

Back to the books and notes now, again.

Away from facebook, my drug.

Away from movies, my lust.

Away from the phone; my line.

Away from food, my need.

Away from vampires; my love.

The most devastating one yet,

Away from music, my soul.

To be zombiefied again.Lifeless, soulless...dead.

Prima donna me here.

Goodbye world.

Goodbye my blog.

Goodbye my friends.

Until we meet again.

Until when I can online again.

Prima donna me gone.

Cheers! (:

Light.

Was half way studying.

Then suddenly thought about something that happened a few nights ago.

It was night.

Gone out to get some grub.

The lamp posts were out.

I was strolling and loitering around in my ride with him.

Just when I said, 'it's so dark...'

He randomly said, '..and God said, let there be light!'

We paused and somehow said at the same time,

'Let there be light!'

[Nothing happened]

Then I said, 'We're not God.'

Chuckled.

He said, 'TNB say pay up ur bills lahhhhh!'

Laughs!

Well, Hope you had some laughs.

Back to my studies again.

Cherio!

First paper.

Sigh.

I guess as easy as it was. It was rather frustrating for me.

Time was a matter.

Then next was the word 'AGAINST', which I think was the main matter.

Alot of marks allocated there.

I do not know whether my answers were correct.

It differed from my other posies answers like Antonym and Synonym!

It's a 360 degree turn.

This has been bugging my mind.

And I know I should study and pay attention on my next paper,

which is tomorrow.

20Chapters!

Where to start?

What to read?

Notes? Textbook?

*brain farts!*

Guess I have to stop blogging and everything online and stuff my face with books.

Good luck to all!

Don't get too stressed all. (:

Cheers!

Happy Birthday Ally!

Here's this one post. Just for You!

For the birthday girl!

The one I'll go gay for.

My sweet Nicole baby!

Mussie's ear got in the way. Cant see it.

But it says, "Happy Birthday Nic baby"

here's Domo kun wishing YOU!

Us again! Hope you have a blast today!

Best wishes!

Btw, Not smudges, but actually kisses.

Purple and pink lipstick. But I guess I failed in making em lips. Eek!

Sending you all the Hugs and Kisses all the way from over here!

❤ H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y ❤

xoxo

PS: The hearts were all suppose to be coloured red & pink!

Don't know what's wrong with my bloggie, no colours are showing up! Darns!

Anyways. Happieee Birthday baby!

And a song (below), for you.

Hope you like it. (:

Love, Mussie baby, Domo Kun, & Me ❤

What is love?

Love is patient,

love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant,

does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,

is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness,

but rejoices with the truth; bears all things,

believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Distractions please.

Questions I ask her.

Why do you always get so emotional?

Answers she replied.

I don't like this loneliness.

I don't like being alone.

I need distractions.

Don't you go away.

I need you here.

I need some closure.

Hopes, like air, to hold on to.

God knows why I keep crying to that song.

Maybe because you sang it to me.

It meant nothing when the singer sang it.

But so much more than more when you did.

Why do we have dreams?

Putting hopes.

Giving me some assurance.

But when it all ends,

...those hopes had to end there too.

Words I cannot express no longer.

Everytime I see you.

..Pictures and all.

I just wanna be there with you.

Wanting just to lean on you now.

People cannot have what they want.

Do i have to destroy dreams to get it?

Do i have to stay in my dreams?

...then never let me wake up.

I want not.

Dream of a dream.

I woke up holding my head.

Feeling crumbles on it. All so flaky.

I felt a sharp pain.

..but then it was gone.

I dare not imagine why I was holding my head.

I felt that it could be an injury.

Summoning all my strength and bravery, I took my hand away.

Eyes closed.

Holding my breathe.

..I think my heart even paused for that few seconds.

I saw crumbles.

Pieces of broken somethings.

Things like it was made from vase-like materials.

Curious yet astonished with what I've found.

Queer though why I had not wonder why they were on my head.

...my forehead.

I laid there.

Thinking back of the dream I had.

It was about you again.

Yes, you.

But not only just you.

The cloud and the wind, both were in my dreams.

It's been days.

Somehow I forgot what I have dreamt.

I turned and looked at you.

You were sleeping oh-so soundly.

Babygirl. Suddenly the fear of losing you was so vivid.

It scared me.

YOU saw me.

You didn't notice my head.

Everything seemed just perfectly fine.

Too perfectly fine for me.

Everything so plotted.

Every little design.

As if, we were reading out some scripted lines.

I went back home.

Looked in the mirror.

...weird though how I did not see myself before I went out.

Can't recall when I actually did.

What I saw, shocked my heart to skip few little beats.

Crumbles I saw.

Flakes of pieces.

They were chipping from me.

I then saw, I was some sort of porcelain.

With fairly white skin and a soft pink mane.

Seems to be, I became a doll.

A pretty one at that.

With dainty fingers, all clammed together.

God knows why it's like that.

Logic seemed so faint to me.

But questions it answered me.

My screams of joy.

My leaps of coil.

No wonder no one responded to me.

I was just a toy.

I tripped.

I flipped.

I saw myself going round and round.

Getting dizzy.

Heart pumping fast.

Finally it ended with a thud!

I hit myself upon a bed.

A bed?

Yes, a bed.

I rubbed my eyes.

To my surprise.

I saw my ceiling wall.

I touched my head.

Which felt so fresh.

And dashed to my mirrored wall.

I checked my head.

..to see my face.

Oh gosh!

It was just a dream.

Study study Study.

The proper study of mankind is books.

-Aldous Huxley

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

- Thomas Edison

Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning.

- Mahatma Gandhi

You don't want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel.

-Richard Bach

It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult.

- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It always seems impossible until its done.

-Nelson Mandela

You'll come to learn a great deal if you study the insignificant in depth.

- Odysseus Elytis

Her Road.

I lied saying I can't get to work.

I lied saying lies I don't mean.

I lied to people so that they won't see the tears they're not suppose to.

I lied so that people will stop crying.

She on that song.

Posted it on her blog.

Every time I blog, I hear that song.

It reminds me of you, and you.

Two 'U's that make me go round and round in U-turns.

Making this never end.

I thought if I stopped at one U-turn,

would I be able to stop going round in circles.

I was right.

I do stop making loops.

But just when I thought I had lost em' U-turns and started driving again.

I realised that it caught up to me.

And I've gotten myself stuck in the middle again.

Trying again and again to stop and get lost.

But always coming back to YOU-turn.

I hear her crying every night.

I hear her crying even when songs are blasting so loud.

I hear her crying.

Just crying, to get over you.

She told me crying helps.

She said it heals her soul.

But the more I see her cry.

The more I feel she misses that someone. That YOU.

The more I see her hurting herself.

The more I see her burying herself in lies over lies which she lie to herself.

The more masks I see her buy.

It's heartbreaking to know she's not alright.

But no body knows, except the one inside.

Would she be selfish to find you?

To care about you?

To see if you're alright?

To comfort you? .....even if it's me that's hurting you.

To tell you never to forget me? ...because I can't.

Sigh.

But I see that it's only holding you back if she does that.

I see that you'll be more hurt if she does that.

You'll lose yourself again.

As she is losing herself along with this.

I shall stop her.

I shall TRY to stop her.

Try to keep her sane.

Try to meet her again.

Don't give up.

I'll always be here.

Close.

Queer Mood.

It's weird. Honestly.
People are sometimes so so so contradicting.
Well, sometimes I myself in ways so vexed that I don't even know.
Yet, some people make it so obvious.
Sometimes it's somehow hilarious.

Like, why do people say..
No Offense, just when they are about to offend you?

Well. Anyways, got lots of my bubbles burst today.
Feeling kind of down and in the dumps.
Hope that I will not regret what I'm about to do.
So cherio dear bloggie of mine.
til when we meet again.

Cheers.

Insomnia of you.

I think I'd webbie you until you get over your insomnia string.

Glad you're sleeping though you're waking up every now and then to peek at the screen.

[Spanks ju!]

But I'm glad, even if you're pretending to sleep; IF you are, for the past 40 plus mins.

But at least you're sleeping. (:

My new hobby since I've gotten my webbie fixed. (:

Thank you YOU!

And the hero of my webbie is.....

To be revealed in the following upcoming posts :D