Battlefield.

The war is getting tougher now. And today is one of those tough times. Fell asleep in the battlefield, was half bored and shocked to death. First from the overloaded words and then from that to the utmost BORING questions and answers to choose from. Gosh.

I brought with me my trusty weapon. One hell of a machine. My trusty rifle. AK47 mount. 

Look at that beauty. Shucks!

But it wasn't really that effective today. Guess I should have brought something else to back me up.

A grenade perhaps? For future use?

And maybe also a grenade launcher to launch it?

Laughs!

Or maybe a more epic weapon to go beyond god-like.

And pawn them all. Ownage!

Even a squirrel can handle it. I bet I should be able to, even without proper trainings.

Well, guess all we can do is wait for tomorrow's battle. Which is far fiercer than today's one. With larger tankers. More soldiers and higher defense. 

But no sight of bazookas yet. So I guess we can be the first to use and scare them away or just finish them off or just take out those nasty tankers.

All the best for tomorrow. Need to recharge and recuperate now.

Cherio.

Pongy it is.

Pongy language!

Yes. 

You saw right. 

Pongy it is. 

Well, it might not be pongy to everyone. But to me it kind of starting to get very whiffy.

I've been starting to speak this new language which isn't actually new to me and the world, but it is new in a sense that even knowing it so long, I am only using it now. Adding it more and more into my vocab.

Gosh.

Shall have to restrict myself from them pongy words now.

*Chicken Burgers*

*Fishcakes*

*Made*

...and the list goes on.

Those who know me will know what on earth those 'foods' are.

Those who know me not, shall have to know them as pongy-ness!

Hoping that I will get through this stage of pongy-ness.

Help me Lord. 

Help me friends.

Just be my support (:

Thanks. 

*fingers crossed*

Your expiry.

YOU, teddy, were once so mean but nice at the same time. Now you are nothing but meanness and all things cruel. It's somehow funny how you think that everything I do is related to you. Everything I say is about you and your wondrousness. Well the news is, you are old news. I've moved on from you teddy. Too long for me to recall when we even started what we didn't have out. 

The ciggy we shared.

Booze we got wasted in.

That broken cigar of failed attempts.

Movies we watched from that mattress.

Everything stained with unreality.

You were the teddy I would hug every night.

The teddy I could talk to everyday about almost and practically everything.

The one I taunted with my concerns. My thoughts of only caring for you.

But I scared you in the occupation of my love; care.

You then left the room. Leaving nothing behind but all the unreal memories we shared.

Now that you're back. You fear of the same thing I would still be doing. Fear of me getting close to you. Fear of me ever hugging you again. I guess your phobic is me. 
But guess what. You're so wrong on that, and my drug is no longer you. I've learn to be abstinent from drugs. From all things that would hurt so much when in rehab. You were one of them. 


So honey, don't flatter yourself too much about being what you aren't but thought you were and more. It was and STILL just wishful thinkings. That's all, and nothing more.


Oh, and hopefully the new 'she' will not be another me to fall for you and be stuffed and fooled by your stuffings and then choke on furballs instead. 
Goodbye you little furry ball of thorns. 

Cheers! (:

Boinkers.

‎"Have I gone mad?"

"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. 
But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."

- Alice In Wonderland (2010)

Hold on.

The minute you think of giving up,

think of the reason why you held on so long.

Heart hiccups.

Three time today, in a time frame of 15 to 20 minutes. The feeling was scary. Felt tired and wanted to take a nap. Was just few minutes pass the time my head landed on that soft comfy pillow. I wasn't even reaching the theta stage of sleep. Maybe just ALMOST reaching it, yet and I woke up with shock and anxiety from the fear of falling. Happened three times. Don't know the actual cause of it. Told that someone and he said it is that one's heart stops beating as to experiencing the feeling of falling. But I don't know whether his experience and mine are the same. So all I can say is, I guess...

My heart hiccuped. 

Super powers.

Feel like I'm losing my memory. 

Wish I could just blog anywhere and everywhere at any given time. But would it be too obvious and rude to just take a pen and paper out and write down my thoughts as they just randomly come? or by inspiration or spark of thought? 

.....I guess it would be.

 

Last thing I remembered about what I wanted to post was how scary it always has been to me. The thought of losing someone so dear to me. I treasure all my friends. Sometimes we may have our arguments and all. Even have cold wars. Things which we do not agree on and would just be politicians and murder each other through words. But at the end of it, you are still dear to me. And somehow we will just make it all work.

I saw how hands fit perfectly together. filling the gaps inbetween our fingers. Having the faith to hold and trust another is tough to do. Being in so many betrayals. So many backstabbing situations. Being the joke and the laughing stock of others for so many umpteen years. It is hard to believe and trust.

Held your hand and felt secure. Like being back in my shell. Being protected.

But that day when you did not hold my hand back when I held yours, memories and fears came back. The fear of being alone again. That the world, my world, is going dark again. The candle you were holding was being taken away as you left and I am force to stay in this room with nothing but darkness everywhere.

Black was and is still my favourite colour eventhough it isn't really a colour. But darkness isn't black. It is something from another realm which is just filled with emptiness and a void so vacuum that you just feel worthless, helpless and trapped. A bird just seeking for a way out from the cage. You see the outside world. You see the sky. But all you can do is NOT reach the sky.

I don't wish to be lonely. Somehow I just feel out. Like a black black sheep in a herd of black everything. Just so in yet so out. Being in with the peers yet.....just don't belong.

Being lost in a crowd. Or rather, in a crowd yet feel so lonely. I have not had this feeling for so long. I guess my ONLY super power has come back. 

I'm no superman or spiderman with tingling senses or super strength. But I do have the ability to be invincible to people. Feeling so invincible yet solid that people won't walk through me, but they can't exactly see me. Like a tree that's there by the road side. No one bothers to go up to it and talk to it or count how many leaves it has. Or even the ants crawling on it. Maybe a person or two will come up to it to etch their names on it with a heart somewhere in between, but no one will ask a tree how it feels even from the knife that has been sculpturing it into some beaux art-thingy. Just invincible that way. 

I guess the past do catch up. And I just have to either run faster or face it, accept it and change the fact of it.

So what will it be?

I guess time will tell. What is needed to be done will be done. Just watch.

Don't expect too much though. Just don't try to expect anything. I guess then you won't be disappointed or way too impressed? Don't want to be too predictable to you. Just wait and watch. Cos I have no idea what is yet to be. We'll all just have to wait. And pray for the best of it all.

My key, Your key.

It's so lonely singing alone.

My lone key. 

No one to harmonize with.

Lonely concord.

Sing with me, would you?

Duette like you've never ever before.

Sing like it's your last.

Pessimistically pessimistic me.

Everything just sounds so wrong to me.
Everything just wants to pick some fight with me.
I just want to shut it all out.
But yet keep you all in it though.

I don't get you.
You, the reflection I see.
What are you?
...just beyond recognition anymore.

Just stay away.
If all I cause is all but good.
Just push me away.
Even though you know not of how hard and hurtful it is to say this.
Having PMS: Pissed at Men Syndrome.

Please and Thank yous (:
*Smiles with a broken heart.

More than tears.

Sometimes I just wish to scream everything at you.
..if only you knew my thoughts. It all.
But would I be a attention-whore then?
Or just some prima donna?
Or just some girl that's just sitting here with teary eyes.
Looking at the screen. Wishing for more than tears.

I wish to be the mirror you scream at.
The mirror I use.
That same bottle to scream in and let go.
....Can I?

When my world is falling apart.
And all the lights are gone.
...You're there.
There with a candle to free me from my fears of loneliness and darkness.
It's all so unreal that even if it's real, it's so unreal.

Can I be your unreality?
Being just your dream.
As you seem to be mine.
Everything only possible in there.
Nothing's ever that possible.

So much that I want to scream about.
The clouds are coming.
I wish it would rain.
Rain so heavy.
So I can dance and cry in the rain and no one can see me.
Hidden in the mist of rain.

Just want you to be happy.
Just wanted you to know that.
Nothing's going to change that.
I hope you'll find me.

Reload.

To be strong for you.

Well at least I'm trying to.

Really good question someone once asked.

What fuels one's willpower.

Seriously. What does?

I'm running out of fuel here.

Need something. Someone. You.

To fill that void.

To fuel me up again.

Coffee love.

Had some soup.Had some gin.Had some vodka.Had more coffee.

5th cup of coffee in the making.
Myth about the coffee story I've been hearing all this while?
..that drinking 4 cups of coffee is the max for a person for 1 day.
more and you might die.

hmmmm....
*in doubts*

but they never state the quantity of coffee consumed.
and the sachets.... I don't think they are actually 'kaw'. The ones I have anyways. Laughs.
Need to find the myth busters or myth-or-fiction website to confirm this.
...or some article or research done for all that means.

Making progress on revision. But still not done yet. More to come.
Not feeling sleepy. Thanks to coffee! I love you coffee!
But am feeling drained.

Now I fear insomnia. Laughs.
..even though I am not suppose to be sleeping.

Good Morning everyone!

Mimetic words.

"I love to do the things the censors won't pass."

-- Marilyn Monroe

Smile sunshine.

"It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone."

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." 

—Marilyn Monroe ❤

We are taught history for a reason.

Most of the time the reason we live an unhappy life is because we dwell so much on the mistakes we have done in the past and let it dictate the tone of our future. A mistake is a mistake is a mistake – we've heard that about a million times, yet instead of rising above it, some of us choose to languish in state of perpetual regret. Use your mistake as a stepping stone and not as a stumbling block or worse, a noose around your neck that your neck that only gets tighter with the littlest effort. Learn what you have to learn and move forward.

Pathman