Words you say.

We’ve all been hurt by words before. So before you speak, think about how your words might effect someone else.

Set fire...your face.

 

At least respect me enough to tell me what's up. If you don't want to talk to me, just tell me. If I'm getting on your nerves, just let me know. If you're losing feelings, don't keep me waiting just to lead me on or play me. I at least deserve to know. So instead of keeping things to yourself, just be straight up and honest with me so I don't have to sit around looking stupid.

Fag end.

It's amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single acknowledging look. This person, who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past, is now walking right past you, seeing right through you.

Omitted.

You won't understand what it feels like, because you always have people routing for you even if you say you don't. Do you know why? Because I'll always be one of them, and even if I end up the only one, you still have someone. So you will never understand what it feels like, ever period. 

The weird part? -I can't seem to leave. 

Two Bickering Minds.

I swore I wasn't crying.

Yet, upon touching these cheeks, 

there was another story.

they had made a valley down,

dripping all over the wooden table.

Making their mark so distinct.

They tell their story so directly.

Screaming their emotions so vividly.

Yet, I wish the lips would do the same.

Eyes; they are the window to everyone's soul.

Look at what they are trying to tell you.

I cannot lie. Not when you're staring at them.

Because they don't lie. 

Yet, gullible they are.

These lips, they speak, but not always, 

especially when most needed.

Evading questions, answers, 

especially truths the heart wants to speak.

Ears to listen, yet they often get tricked by the voices inside my head.

They get deceived easily by the eyes,

then ending by screening words,

perceived to be what the mind wants it to be.

How foolish these ears are.

Then there's the mind.

Always, and I mean always, overthinking.

Never a minute resting.

Often bickering with the heart on what's to be done.

It seems to know what's right.

And legitly has not failed.

Lastly, there's the one that causes everyone to go mad.

The mischievous, scandalous yet benignant heart.

Pumping blood, and often love, 

Making sure it does not grow cold.

Being the sensitive of them all, 

It is the one that turns on the blender.

(Heart) Should I? 
(Brain) You know you shouldn't. 
(Heart) But I can't deny these feelings. 
(Brain) You can't, but I can; thy lips shant speak.
(Heart) Brain, you are being mean. No matter how pokerface you'll be, thy eyes can't tell lies.
(Brain) But before anyone can see your tinted eyes, my body language and words would have told them otherwise. 
(Heart) You're such a bully! Why are you doing this to me? I'm hurting on the inside.
(Brain) It's for your own good. You won't understand it now, but in due time.
(Heart) Its so hard. The feelings are killing me on the inside. But no one should know.

Usurp.

Like the colours, it's taking over.

I need help, but sadly no one really hears me anymore.

The ones who listen, I doubt their interests in the matter.

Sometimes people just want the juicy details, and aren't actually too keen on helping you out.

I know a bunch who are so called 'concerned friends'.

I don't need this right now.

Honestly want to just give every damn person a piece of my mind.

Not everyone but those few whose friendship I actually cared too much to let go.

But now, while impregnated with these emotions, 

I would seriously want to give you the whole load that's on my mind.

You have no idea how much I let slide, not to mention repressing hurt just so that YOU won't get hurt.

Yes, I know you did not ask me to do so.

It was all out of my own will, or CARE if I should say.

I'm not perfect either. I know I have flaws.

Some flaws which I can't see myself but reflected through others.

But I'm thankful to those who are there to care.

I actually treat my friends as friends, and some even family.

So, Thank you for not appreciating it.

Honestly, I am offended.

I know when I'm wanted and not.

I don't need this no more.

I need new people now.

I need superheroes. 

You know why?

Because they are the ones who can be trusted with secrets.

Because they are that good at keeping their own.

And at least, they'd be there for those in distress.

Not needing any pleading or the extend begging for help then only a hand would be extended.

Applications are opened to anyone who wants to apply.

I'll take you away.

This distance is sacrilege in its very nature. 

I thought it would be different. 

Needless to say, I thought we were pass all that is. 

But I was oh-so-very wrong.

I  don't like having these emotions in me.

I detest to have to hear your cries.

So silently abused, everything so silently reduced.

Please hold on until I'm done.

I'll bring you to a better place.

I'm now making this my case.

I really want to end their days.

Just so that tears won't fall from your face.

Please be patient.

Try to hang on a little longer.

Don't die on me yet,

cos as long as I'm around, I won't forsake you.

Would you reckon stupidity?

It is easy to say things.
Doing it is the trick.
Besides, someone, well not only one, once told me that things said over the Internet shouldn't must be taken into heart. It is after all just words. You won't know the sincerity, to what extend does that truth lies. 
Perhaps I'm too easy to trust.
Perhaps I believe too much that there is still a little ounce of goodness in a person that with that little ounce of good, that person might actually not lie to me. But then again, who am I to be given that precious little goodness to. 
In harsher terms,  a fool.


It has been proven countlessly that love is unreliable.
Somehow there is a way to convince me to jump into that hole.
If it were a friend, I'd advise them the same.
Why risk your happiness now for something so feeble that it might break.

Is it just absurd? Or perhaps just perfect sense?
Sincerely loving someone. Unconditionally, is it so hard?
Not playing with their hearts, their feelings. Is it too much to ask?


If you don't have trust and no intentions to be loyal, why even try to chase the heart?
Is it just some game that you've invented to see how many hearts you may get?


You said it's getting tiring. 
You said that it's not interesting.
You said that our love has died.
You can't expect the other person to always be the one putting the effort. 
It works both ways.


Loving someone, 
So much, too deep.
Ending up being so vulnerable to sacrifice and falling even deep.
You try and try to crawl out from that dark hole of love, 
but it somehow seems so easy to be covered in wound when you fall back down.
Yet, many still go for it. Even myself.


Why?

You said :

I will hack your tears, if i wilL get to know the password of your smile :)

Please do so, and quick. 

Pull me out from this, whatever it is.

Red Rabbit On.

What's true anymore?

Is the air even air?

What words you say (or type) is even meant?

Why'd you have to ruin it for everyone?

I'm upset;
I'm not upset that you lied to me,
I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.

And for this, I'd just ask you one thing, a real simple question;
"Are you a guy or a girl?"
The answer would be obvious.
Then I'll say,
"Oh I'm sorry, I honestly can't take your word for it. Since whatever you say always don't mean what they seem to be saying, no matter how many time I've read it." 


"I don't think proving it, by taking whichever article of clothing on your body off would help because you too have proven what you've said before, over and over whenever asked, but went back on your words/proof. So I'm sorry, you not only ruined it for everyone, but yourself too."

What goes around, comes around.
Remember that.

I would never wish bad things,
But I don't wish you well. :)

This song is for you.

She Fakes So Well.

She fakes oh so well

Behind it all is a story I’ll tell

She never thought she was good enough

She cried so much she became tough

Everyone took advantage of her heart

She felt pain like someone throwing darts

She doesn’t have cuts but battle scars

Everyone distant and seems so far

She had way to many attempts

She gave away love, away she sent

She was sick of life, sick of being abused

She was broken and bruised from the physical abuse.

No one seemed to truly care

Trying to love her became a dare.

She’s scared and afraid of everything around

She’s laughing but slowly drowning in the sound

She feels as if no one is there

Sickening smells of blood in the air.

She feels so ugly like no one would like her.

She kisses so much ass and calls him Sir.

No one knows her hidden story

She looks into the past and everything is blurry.

The smiles she shows one untrue

She needs a friend someone like you.

Her body is beaten and bruised

By many men she’s been used.

Every night she cries her self to sleep.

Remembering the last scar and how deep.

She fakes this so well.

On the inside she’s going through hell.

Help her, don’t make it worse.

Remember her past, try and put her first.

All of her cries filled with misery and sorrow

She’s been rushe to the hospital she’ll be out tomorrow.

Today she cut too deep.

Another night she cant sleep

All of her clothing destroyed and ripped

Once again her stepfather takes another sip.

Another hit, another apology

Another scream of profanities.

She lays there with sorrow eyes

She’s hoping this is her last goodbye.

Living, alive, depression deeper.

God keeps whispering “She’s a keeper”

So many times she could’ve been dead.

So many bad memories in her bed.

The smile you see is one not true.

She needs someone better, someone new

She’ll tell you everything, everything to do

You may feel like nothing special

But you can keep her from hanging over the threshold.

You can be the one there, you can be her savior.

You can be the one to save her.

The one she wants, the one she needs.

You can stop her when she bleeds.

The smile she fakes, the tears she cries.

Makes it easy to see why she wants to die.

She looks so happy but fakes so well.

No one knows she’s going through hell.

You maybe wondering who this girl can be.

You may see this girl daily.

Look at her and you’ll never be able to tell

The things she’s been through put her through hell.

The smiles she fakes

The harsh eternal ache

The sorrow cries

The times she wanted to die.

The meds she took

The times she shook

All the scars

Everything seems so far.

Live her life,

You’ll beg for the knife.

Be there for her

And there wont be another.

She feels alone

In her own depressing zone.

Your monster.

I don't know if there is a connection to it all but this year, my pets keep dying on me. Those I own and love alot. First my all time love; Musang. Then a few weeks after, Dutchess. Then two new hoglets which I saved and adored. Then their father; Manson. Recently, a few days back, my oldest living pet since I was 7 years up until now, Mary. I'm wondering if there is a significance to it because then just two days ago, I lost a sister, a dear friend and a darling.

"Gone with the old and in with the new?"

I'm not sane right now.
Shutting off all emotions now at least to the things which hurts most.
Until I know what to do.
Or maybe just leave it as it is for you've left.
It just seems like me running this pace alone now.
Maybe I should quit.
I honestly don't know.
One thing's for sure, I'm not shedding another tear for you again.
You're not worth my tears.
I never meant to hurt you because I love you too much to hurt you.
Your behavior and judgment is unacceptable to me.
I have to kill my angel side now.
I need to stop thinking for you now because it's too much of hurting to me.
You and your people have already labelled us.
So be it. This is me, your monster.
The monster you have resist.

She's not smiling. She's showing her teeth.

Yes. A rant this is.
If you can't take the heat just stay out of the kitchen.
If you're such a BOY to hold such grudges which were dated back to prehistoric times,
It's so clear now what my SYSTEM OF REASONING has told me.

Yes. This is my 'logic' overriding whatsoever I was taught to believe in.
If this is logic, then I know not what logic is.
'Stories' you don't know.
Why would you even dare make such conclusions?
Yes, they are in "..." for a reason.
And mind you, the word choice.

Tell me, would you believe me if I were to tell you a  "story" now?

I saw different sides of you.
Of the one I knew.
I just didn't think you could be so polygonal.
Especially now.

Perhaps it's your way of reviving yourself.
Whatever works for you. Even if it means digging up my grave along with it.

But know this.
Your words have been heard.
And as you said, knowing me.
My memory will remember.

______________Nothing personal.

Aviator.

New shades for a new mood.

Bought in such a bad mood.

Neck wear, it's all good.

You gotta know that it's all you.

Innuendo sealed lips.

Someone kill me now.
There's only need for one.
Tell me your secrets and kill me already.

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

Too many.
That's what it is.
I know too much. I dare not want to know anymore.
I'm afraid I can't keep it in.
Your words so strong.
It's so hard to bind.

I wish I hadn't told you so much either.

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

And since both of us are still alive.
You know what that means.

Thank you for sharing it to the entire world.
Forgive me for I had not known secrets were to be shared.
I did not consider it either.
And shant stoop so low ever.

Thank you for eluding whatsoever trust you had with me.
You shall hear no more from me.
For, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.
And lucky you, I am the walking deceased. 

Rue.

Jerk it is.
That's what it feels like now.
He was hurting on the inside.
His eyes revealed everything.
But he kept his cool and talked to her.

She could see a tear opening and blood oozing.
He watched her cry over and over again.
Eventhough his heart was also crying.

She starts doubting everything
Saying that he's a cynic,
but perhaps she is.
Loosing sight of everything.

Vision blurring.
Everything looks so different when it's blur.
Bad looks good.
And good looks bad.

Is it a repetitive mistake?
What should she do?
Both say they do, but one seems lesser than the other.
One whose arms are not wrapped around her.
One whose skin pollutes the other.
What should she do?

Soma.

This has been in my head for quite awhile.

God forgives his children if they do sin and tell lies, countless times.
But when does  he not? Is when you blaspheme against the Holy Spirit.

But as for me. I'm neither God or Devil. I'm a mere mortal being.
And time after time, your transgression has been overlooked.
If you want me to name at least 10. Yes I can. But there is no need to be brutal here.
I just can't get myself to really forgive you.
Yes. Your words and actions will never have my trust anymore.
"Trust is like a virginity. Once lost, you'll never get it back."
For your case, you've already used up all your cards. And I'm looking right at you.
Seeing you for who you are.
Seeing scales on you. The icily wet and cold blooded person you turn out to be.

You were the one telling me to move.
Honking me like we were in some freak traffic jam.
You wanted it more than anyone.
So, why the U-turn now?

But steeping as low as you are just isn't me.
Why would I want to be you?
No. seriously, why would I?

Gimme a reason to take all this back.
Or forever be bitten in your rear
by words you have always used on me
and I'm guessing alot of other people
who so call sought and had crushes on you.
[Move on]


Now this is me here adding on to that.
"Move on and never look back."


Fret not though.
This is not the final conclusion to what my decisions may be.
But it will take time for you to gain back my trust. 
Every ounce of it is like gallons of blood your can never replace.

Near past.

Viewed someone which I hadn't seen for a few years. Saw some pictures I didn't get a chance to save before they left, I left. Seeing them again relived all my memories. I honestly have to say that I missed them. I miss you guys so much. Losing a family isn't easy. Losing my brothers, my sisters, it's never easy to do. It's the hardest and I dare say the most hurtful emotion yet. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could.....
Just to be with you guys again. Just to feel that warmth again. It hurts so bad.

Screaming silence. These tears are so unbearable. 
Never liked misunderstandings. Because of this.
Especially those which I never really did understood.
Please don't ask why I ask or sometimes interrogate you.
I never meant to hurt anyone.
I do rather it be me than you.
I'm sorry.

You were once cold.
I really did not understand.
Until now, I still don't.
But I want to know why. I still do.
I really want to know why you were taken from me.
Why all this was taken away.
God, is there a reason? There must be a reason to everything, doesn't it?
I'm barely able to hang on anymore.
Please, I don't want to lose anyone anymore.
Not in the near future please.

________I miss you.

Vanquishing potions.

In the midst of darkness, one would find a torchlight to brighten the way.

In the midst of dryness, one would seek water to quench that thirst.

In the midst of awful tears, one would hide in ice cream and chocolates.

In fear of the boogeyman, one would hold on tight to their bolster or soft-toy for security.

In silence,  one would seek music to fill that silent void.

In lonely nights, one would seek their tears as comforting ways of expressing what's in their hearts.

In times like these, 

all a person wants to do is to find something to vanquish that fear, that lonely silence, that dark.

Everyone has their own ways of 'vanquishing' their demons.

What's yours?

A mother protects her child from the fears. Telling stories that all will be good. Tales where the boogeyman ends up not scaring her baby anymore. No more monsters in the closet. An imaginary tale; rather than having fears and countless tears every night that makes a mother broken hearted. Comforting the heart of what it fears. Even by means of vanquishing the logic; vanquishing the fear inside, hopeful for sweet dreams to come to the child. So that a mother may smile upon the child's smiley sleeping face at night.

 

At night upon sleeping, with having vanquishing thoughts; multiple imaginary thoughts, the guilt of having your own comfort being upon that of others, hurts. Words can be as sharp as swords that can piece through anyone's buttons. Tears from which you can't see and tell their reasons of existence shall only be for that person to know. And I can tell you that, not every vanquishing potion is as easy as it seems. It gets harder depending on your demon. And if you don't succeed, you'll end up getting hurt everything it resurfaces; reoccurs. Tears, I call upon thee. Help erase these memories of the scars set here by those done so willingly. 

Singing howls.

I guess it's best this way. But my howls, no longer you can see. And guess what, you think you're so awesome but the promises you promised were all broken over and over again. Time after time, repeatedly. I guess my stuffy stuff shall just be between me and I. You know what you did. I know what you did. To break your word for another you made is just messed up. You don't see me doing that. Or is it just me? Am I the queer one? Did I not get THE ULTIMATE memo regarding 'Promises made NOW overrides promises of YESTERDAYS?' Laughs.