Why will you not unfold yourself to me?

Dear you,

It has been raining since we last met.

As though the heavens know

that my heart is adrift.

To find a soul so beautiful,

and not being able to be yours,

when all I want is for you to be mine.

Nothing in this moment could be as excruciatingly painful.

Maybe in time I have become wary and worn of the games of the heart.

And I shan't partake in giving similar doubts and aches to another.

..hoping one day to be treated equally.

You; are the first I knew exactly - "it's you"

I want nothing more than to shout it to the world that you're my person.

I want nothing more than to be close to you, even if it's not to hold you.

To give you all the love in my heart.

To everyday, paint a smile on your face as you do mine effortlessly.

To be your comfort place.

To be everything you need.

..but for now, this burning love will just set ablaze in my heart.

Burning only myself in the wait, 

as periodic tears puts it out,

I hope you'll come to see and feel as I do you 

before my fire turns to coal.

For now, pretence should be my best of friend.

To wear a mask that conceals my passion for you - until a time you unfold yourself to me.

Dear self, take heart. 

New Lea(f)ve

I've had to say goodbye more times than I may have like, but everyone can say that. 

And no matter how many times we have to do it - 

even if it's for the greater good, it still stings. 

And although we will never forget what we've given up, 

we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. 

What we can't do is live our lives afraid of the next goodbye because chances are they are not going to stop. 

The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing - 

when it's a chance to start again.

Be Kind To Yourself.

Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little. 

And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.

 

What Are We Afraid Of?

Both shallow and deep

An answer;

Both hungry and weak

Some often too bold to speak

"Roaches, reptile, aging" girls they squeak

"Death" or "empty accounts," probably

Every three other weeks

Honest feeling,

rarely they speak

Rejection, condemnation

what more do you seek?

A masked persona

We put on exilic

To speak untruths - "it's okay"

While crying creeks

what do we fear?

Emotional leaks.

"Everyone is afraid of something. We fear things because we value them. We fear losing people because we love them. We fear dying because we value being alive. Don’t wish you didn’t fear anything. All that would mean is that you didn’t feel anything." —  Cassandra Clare, Lord of Shadows

My biggest fear is that eventually, you'll see me as I see myself.

Give Up or Give In.

So this is how its gonna be.
Un uttered silence between two parties
Over a chirp from some body.

I lost count of how many time i lighted up the screen.
Just to check and see if you'd be buzzing in.

I guess that's just silly ole' me
Just like my driving.
Too fast too furious
And frightening cars in.

I guess i won't be surprised to get another ticket.
I can't say i didn't see this coming.
I tried curbing it, i honestly did.
But my blood screamed for adrenaline.

Won't you?

“Most of us have, at one point, uttered this word.

Perhaps under our breath, as a whisper, fading into the nitrogen of the air. Or written down on a piece of paper, ink bleeding into the organic fibers of the parchment.

Some of us have even screamed this word, a desperate plea, an extended promise, one hand outreached, impatient for another. Some of us have weaved this word into lullabies; some have murmured it between tears and midnight kisses.

'Stay.'”

正在一个女朋友。

 

Being a girlfriend. 

Being a girlfriend is not just about being beautiful and attractive for your guy. It’s not just about letting him chase you, letting him do sweet things every time you’re mad at him and not just receiving flowers and gifts during your anniversaries. It’s not about doing those girly things just to get his attention and not just about feeling mighty every time he did everything you want. It’s also being an emotional partner wherein you support him in every opportunity that he takes, you appreciate everything that he does for you and you thank him for doing it, you remind him on the things he must do and what he must not. Just because you know that you can always keep him on his feet, doesn’t mean you can manipulate him. You understand him not just as a partner but as individual too. you help him in every way showing him, that in a relationship, there’s no “I” or “you”, there’s only “we” and “us”. You know also that a man has their ego, and even when it become a little irritating sometimes, you still understand that it’s a part of his nature. A girlfriend is not just a term, it also has responsibilities that every girl must know. You’re a friend, a sister, a second mom, a teacher, and a best friend.

Your arms; I miss, need, want.

Horridly dreaded.

 

“What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for, and to do it so unconsciously.”

—  Haruki Murakami

Sponged.

Untouched, it seems just as it is.
Even if its torn, or broken up.
It works brilliantly,
taking in any liquid; both clear or polluted, coloured or colourless.




...but like everything else, it has its limits.
Steadily broken.


I tried, and now I don't think I can feel again.
Why? I don't understand why.
I don't even know if I want to know why.
I'm tired of being a sponge.

Is it so hard to love and not be hurt?
It's easy to love. But it is hard to love and not be loved in return.
Why can't I love and not expect you to love me back?
Why can't I care and be happy for you not caring?

Kindly tell me if you do, or do not.
And put me out of my misery.
Sometimes I have a feeling, 
that this is to get back at me for breaking your heart once upon a time ago.
I had my reasons. I still do. 
If only you knew.. then maybe you'll see me differently.

I guess only God can do that.
I'm not God, but I'm a workaholic.
Maybe that's how Spongebob stays so happy, with his krabby patties.

Evolution.

“So build yourself as beautiful as you want your world to be. Wrap yourself in light then give yourself away with your heart, your brush, your march, your art, your poetry, your play. And for every day you paint the war, take a week and paint the beauty, the color, the shape of the landscape you’re marching towards. Everyone knows what you’re against; show them what you’re for.”

Shouldn't we?

I honestly don't see why not, but only everything that's a yes. 

Even if the reason is only one, compared to the other hundreds of voices who'll tell you not.

Look at why we should rather than why we shouldn't. Simple as that. 

I love honesty; just be real with me. 

Tell me what your every emotions and thoughts are.  

Expect the exact reflection of honesty you give me.

But also understand the love and care that comes along with it.

Lies are what keeps us apart.

Remember, unsaid truths are not expressed truth, hence its not pure honesty. 

Two is better than one.

In a relationship, you need somebody who's gonna call you out, not somebody who's gonna let everything slide. You need somebody who doesn't want to live without you, but can. Not somebody that is dependent but somebody who is stronger with you. A relationship is two people, not one.

Believe in you, For you.

Nobody tells you 

it's okay to call yourself beautiful

it's okay to smile at mirrors

and it's perfectly fine

to say your own eyes are pretty.

It is wonderful to love your waist

and your legs

regardless of their size

and you are not conceited

if you use your fingers to list

everything you're good at

rather than point

at all your own flaws

You can acknowledge you're smart

and that you will go places

and you will be someone

greater than your mistakes

You can't always expect 

other people to believe in yourself

for you.

Don't give up.

   

I love her. 

And yes, you'll survive this. Just hang on, things will work out.