You're always my favourite.

The time was 9.40 that we left you there. The car's time was 10.10, and I would like to keep it that way. Why? Because 10.10 is a smiley face, and you will always be remembered that way because you never fail to make my heart melt and smile again.

Before 9.40.
I had 10 whole hours with you. To think that crying the whole night would have made you use up all your tears, but I guess humans just don't dehydrate that way. Not sleeping at all, hugging you and watching over you was never the same as it used to be. Call it empathetic or pathetic, but seeing the one you love in agony isn't really something easy to do. Every movement so difficult, always leading to more hardships and cries from you. A mother watching her child suffer could just be the worst case scenario ever!

The doc said not to be sad, as she had a good life with you.
"You gave her a good life, and you shouldn't be sad about that."
11 years with me. Everyone said you were pampered and a princess. Being all diva and stuff. But to me, you're just angelic. Pampered because I loved you so. (..and still do.)

Reaching hometown was a pain. Had already started crying in the car. Thinking of what would happen to you. I want you alive. But how could I be so selfish as to keep you in suffering just for me to have more hugs, to have more time with you. I thought of everything possible. If it were arthritis, maybe medicine will cure you. But no blood seems to be going to your legs. Would you need amputation? If you did, wouldn't that just makes it more hurtful for you? And the inconvenience it will bring you. __I didn't want that for you.
Yet, I could not bare myself to let you go.

At the surgical table you laid. To put or not to put. That was the question everyone wanted an answer for. The doc suggested to put. I knew I had to. But the look in your eyes said you didn't want to give up. You looked so innocent, like nothing was happening and your pain didn't exist. I asked my brother. From his looks, I knew the answer. But he too couldn't bare saying it. His eyes reddening as he looked away. I held it in (the tears), to call mummy. But just the simple thought of it made me burst into tears. Mummy said to let her go, as it was too suffering. Then she said wait, as she intercom daddy. I already knew the answer. It was just the most kindest humane decision which just simply had to be the toughest to make. At last, I told the doc to pull the plugs.

Saying goodbye.
I just wished time moved so slowly then. I held her in my arms. Hugging her for the last time. Kissed both her cheeks and then forehead. Mummy told her on the phone that she'll be going to heaven, and told her to wait for us there. Someday, we'll meet again. I just kept telling her I love her and told her to be good. My last kiss to her, I can still taste her lips. I miss her smell already. Her warmth and 'helicopter' tail. (Only when she's super happy.) That was our last goodbye. (To think that everyday we say goodbye we'd be prepared for days like this. Tsk.)

Driving home.
Brother dear and I weeped like we had secrets. I held it in, driving faster just to get home so I could scream it all out into my pillow. (The pillow I shared with her.)

Home.
Boy I was so wrong. To think that leaving her there was the hardest. Reaching home- stepping in. First sight, the piano. The piano where she usually sits beside or near the pedals when I use to practice pieces. She loved music. Second was the floor near the table. Her stain on the floor. (Holding in my tears, pacing faster to my room.) Third thing I saw was the sofa where I use to take pictures of her as she sleep so cutely in a circle and sometimes just in funny positions. Looking away and to my room door, I see the floor. The one just before the kitchen's with pink tiles. -The floor right in front of my room. Reminds me more of her because of the countless times she's tried to 'mark her territory' there, and practically everyone of us (sometimes including guests) would fall for her trap. Gosh the menace she was then! Now, I wish I could see it again.

My baby Mussie.
You shall always be cherished. 11 physical years together, and the rest shall be the memories I carry of you with me through out the rest of my life. I will miss your big googly eyes. Your wet (sometimes) pinkish nose. Your one tooth! The "=P" look you forever have. The day when you had skin disease, but now it's gone. The day you were once fat. Even the day when you morphed from 'the model' to 'the anorexic model'. Every memory of you, forever in my memory.
[18/1/1996 - 14/1/2011]

One of her favourite spots in my room. (My bag)

Riding in the car. Looking at sceneries. She loves looking at wheels. No idea why though.

Perfect timing picture? Coincidently, I have another picture of her like in 2004 with the same exact take. Me in the background and she's yawning also. But in the older picture; showing her teeth!

Playtime with the twins. Baby's jealous Monroe's on her pillow. *Teehee!

This one is just so beautiful of her. 

Baby & I.

Baby's always camera-shy.

[You will forever be loved. I love you babygirl.]

♥

Wanting so bad to hug you one more time. I miss you Mussie!