Mr Darcy.

“You must know… surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”

—

Mr. Darcy

 Miss Elizabeth. I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you… I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family’s expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony. 

“All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.”

My Ladyship,

I must, first and before engaging you of my recent enterprises, give you my thanks for your taking the great troubles it must have been to travel to Longbourn, most specifically to the Bennet estate. It has proven indispensable in my affairs. I hope to not attribute to you undue distress—You have been of the utmost use and I have taken your most sincere considerations into perspective— and now I must move to the object of this letter. I write with expedience concerning the state of affairs between Miss Elizabeth Bennet and myself, locked and on the brink of matrimony. The word has been written thus—I have renewed my efforts and affections towards Elizabeth, and at length they have finally been returned. You must by now know, and if not, I thus inform you, that the Bennets are in good standing once again with the world—One of the youngest Miss Bennets is in successful wedlock with Mr. Wickham, and I hope your fears to be calmed, though I know it to the contrary. There is more fortune and happiness to be found in Elizabeth than to ever be had elsewhere, I assure you. These arrangements stated, therefore, I must beg your presence at Pemberley estate to wait on its newest mistress with reborn and true attentiveness and respect. If you are still taken with objections, I can henceforth offer you nothing. This, aunt, is a final and sure thing; and, if you should charge me with impudence, with negligence towards my name, or with insensibility, I can only answer with harsh honesty. With me stands Miss Elizabeth Bennet— by our next meeting, Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy.

Fitzwilliam Darcy. 

Pride and Prejudice.

i could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.

Favourite Movie.

My Favourite Movie: Pride and Prejudice.

(for those who have not watched it, it is a definite recommendation!)

[PS: some spoilers for you.] pictures below.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, 

that a single man in possession of a good fortune, 

must be in want of a wife.”

—Jane Austen

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?

Elizabeth: Very well, although I wish you wouldn`t call me “my dear”, because that`s what my father always calls my mother when he is cross about something.

Elizabeth: You may only call me Mrs. Darcy, when you are completely and perfectly and incandescently happy.

Mr. Darcy: And how are you this evening…Mrs. Darcy?

“In vain have I struggled. 

It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. 

You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

—Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

P & P was first published 198 years ago — January 28th, 1813!

Keyboards for all situation.

Grandma

Masturbation

Paper due in the morning

Love hormone.

An oxytocin molecule, the hormone that makes one fall in love.

Go figure.

Girl or Boy?

Solution to loneliness.

What's for Valentine's Day?

Saw alot of societies doing something, and suddenly I'm reminded of secondary school time when people would pay money to get things delivered to other people and some, even to people from other schools. If you're thinking about the upcoming month and gift gifting, then yes, you've most probably figured it out. The thing I'm thinking about and have been thinking about the past few days is Valentine's day.


"Will I finally celebrate it with someone?"
"Will I spend the time with my precious darlings and dears?"
"What gift to get?"
"What would they like?"
"What would my valentine like?"
But firstly the question : "Would you be my Valentine?"
*Teehee!*

Anyways, my favourite memes are going to show you what they do for their valentine!
Check them out below! (=

So anyway, Cheers! 

This is a short post. Yes it is. 

But before I adjourn, I would like to ask for opinions (if anyone would like to give some),

of ....What would you give your Valentine?

No matter it's for a girl or boy or even mom or dad, 

What would your gift be for your Valentine?

(=

And with that I bid thee farewell~

Hope to get some feedback from you guys.

Cheerio!

This.

It alternates slapping hands when you look at the face but when you look at the hand that’s not moving .. ONLY ONE HAND SLAPS. 

mindfucked. [checked]

My Alexithymia.

Someone's being missed.       _

misses;

someone fuzzy.

someone that turns my black shirt white.

someone that loves cuddles.

someone that turns this "=(" into that "=)" .

someone that loves to lie on their belly.

someone who has bad breath but you don't mind kissing.

someone you love sharing your food with.

someone oh so very dear and special. 

someone you keep warm when it's out cold.

someone who steals your pillow away.

someone that listens to your every wimp.

someone that never judge you.

someone that never spills your secrets or tears.

someone that wipes all your tears away.

someone who never minds what you say.

someone that brings you joy and hardly or never sorrow.

just my angel,

someone that's you. 

Internet timing.

Finally! I got the Internet back! 

It almost felt like the one episode of South Park where there was no Internet and everyone was going to die because of it. Yes, I was almost desperate for the Internet. Gosh! 

Oh yeah, I was and kinda still am overdosed with South Park. Teehee!

But it's awfully bad timing that I got the Internet back just when I have plans today. No class today, but that's the thing. I had plans and don't want to do assignments and research! Urgh. But I'm thankful though because I can blog and update some stuffs. 

I've one post I need to post. But not now. 

I've made a decision. 

More of that later then. I'm off now. Going to travel out. =D

Cheers all! Have a great day!

Soma.

This has been in my head for quite awhile.

God forgives his children if they do sin and tell lies, countless times.
But when does  he not? Is when you blaspheme against the Holy Spirit.

But as for me. I'm neither God or Devil. I'm a mere mortal being.
And time after time, your transgression has been overlooked.
If you want me to name at least 10. Yes I can. But there is no need to be brutal here.
I just can't get myself to really forgive you.
Yes. Your words and actions will never have my trust anymore.
"Trust is like a virginity. Once lost, you'll never get it back."
For your case, you've already used up all your cards. And I'm looking right at you.
Seeing you for who you are.
Seeing scales on you. The icily wet and cold blooded person you turn out to be.

You were the one telling me to move.
Honking me like we were in some freak traffic jam.
You wanted it more than anyone.
So, why the U-turn now?

But steeping as low as you are just isn't me.
Why would I want to be you?
No. seriously, why would I?

Gimme a reason to take all this back.
Or forever be bitten in your rear
by words you have always used on me
and I'm guessing alot of other people
who so call sought and had crushes on you.
[Move on]


Now this is me here adding on to that.
"Move on and never look back."


Fret not though.
This is not the final conclusion to what my decisions may be.
But it will take time for you to gain back my trust. 
Every ounce of it is like gallons of blood your can never replace.

Words said, and heard is that the mind would not want to sleep.

Insomnia in it's name. 

But it's more of the dread of slumber.

I still miss you so.

Repressing it all during the worldly realm.

Becoming the vampires I've read and heard so much of.

Dreamland is where the soul leaves the casket,

and unleashes everything in it.

Baby. I'm missing you dear.

Learning Music.

Lady Gaga taught me Its okay to be different

Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks

Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love

Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through

Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me.

Music taught me how to live. ♥

Blood Lamp.

This Blood Lamp doesn’t look that bloody. 

Bbut the way you turn it on can be considered gruesome. 

It only works once, and you need to add of a drop of your blood to activate it!

The idea is to stop and think about how badly you need light before you use it. 

Designer Mike Thompson created the lamp in order to draw attention to how much energy we waste.

One girl with the right heels.

 “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. 

I make mistakes, 

I am out of control and at times hard to handle. 

But if you can’t handle me at my worst, 

then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Marilyn Monroe

Everyone should definitely know and understand this.

Everybody is a genius. 

But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, 

it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid. 

Albert Einstein.

Thing I do with her.

I’ll look to my friend like

and she’ll be all like

and then we’ll just both go

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
-Anaïs Nin

You're always my favourite.

The time was 9.40 that we left you there. The car's time was 10.10, and I would like to keep it that way. Why? Because 10.10 is a smiley face, and you will always be remembered that way because you never fail to make my heart melt and smile again.

Before 9.40.
I had 10 whole hours with you. To think that crying the whole night would have made you use up all your tears, but I guess humans just don't dehydrate that way. Not sleeping at all, hugging you and watching over you was never the same as it used to be. Call it empathetic or pathetic, but seeing the one you love in agony isn't really something easy to do. Every movement so difficult, always leading to more hardships and cries from you. A mother watching her child suffer could just be the worst case scenario ever!

The doc said not to be sad, as she had a good life with you.
"You gave her a good life, and you shouldn't be sad about that."
11 years with me. Everyone said you were pampered and a princess. Being all diva and stuff. But to me, you're just angelic. Pampered because I loved you so. (..and still do.)

Reaching hometown was a pain. Had already started crying in the car. Thinking of what would happen to you. I want you alive. But how could I be so selfish as to keep you in suffering just for me to have more hugs, to have more time with you. I thought of everything possible. If it were arthritis, maybe medicine will cure you. But no blood seems to be going to your legs. Would you need amputation? If you did, wouldn't that just makes it more hurtful for you? And the inconvenience it will bring you. __I didn't want that for you.
Yet, I could not bare myself to let you go.

At the surgical table you laid. To put or not to put. That was the question everyone wanted an answer for. The doc suggested to put. I knew I had to. But the look in your eyes said you didn't want to give up. You looked so innocent, like nothing was happening and your pain didn't exist. I asked my brother. From his looks, I knew the answer. But he too couldn't bare saying it. His eyes reddening as he looked away. I held it in (the tears), to call mummy. But just the simple thought of it made me burst into tears. Mummy said to let her go, as it was too suffering. Then she said wait, as she intercom daddy. I already knew the answer. It was just the most kindest humane decision which just simply had to be the toughest to make. At last, I told the doc to pull the plugs.

Saying goodbye.
I just wished time moved so slowly then. I held her in my arms. Hugging her for the last time. Kissed both her cheeks and then forehead. Mummy told her on the phone that she'll be going to heaven, and told her to wait for us there. Someday, we'll meet again. I just kept telling her I love her and told her to be good. My last kiss to her, I can still taste her lips. I miss her smell already. Her warmth and 'helicopter' tail. (Only when she's super happy.) That was our last goodbye. (To think that everyday we say goodbye we'd be prepared for days like this. Tsk.)

Driving home.
Brother dear and I weeped like we had secrets. I held it in, driving faster just to get home so I could scream it all out into my pillow. (The pillow I shared with her.)

Home.
Boy I was so wrong. To think that leaving her there was the hardest. Reaching home- stepping in. First sight, the piano. The piano where she usually sits beside or near the pedals when I use to practice pieces. She loved music. Second was the floor near the table. Her stain on the floor. (Holding in my tears, pacing faster to my room.) Third thing I saw was the sofa where I use to take pictures of her as she sleep so cutely in a circle and sometimes just in funny positions. Looking away and to my room door, I see the floor. The one just before the kitchen's with pink tiles. -The floor right in front of my room. Reminds me more of her because of the countless times she's tried to 'mark her territory' there, and practically everyone of us (sometimes including guests) would fall for her trap. Gosh the menace she was then! Now, I wish I could see it again.

My baby Mussie.
You shall always be cherished. 11 physical years together, and the rest shall be the memories I carry of you with me through out the rest of my life. I will miss your big googly eyes. Your wet (sometimes) pinkish nose. Your one tooth! The "=P" look you forever have. The day when you had skin disease, but now it's gone. The day you were once fat. Even the day when you morphed from 'the model' to 'the anorexic model'. Every memory of you, forever in my memory.
[18/1/1996 - 14/1/2011]

One of her favourite spots in my room. (My bag)

Riding in the car. Looking at sceneries. She loves looking at wheels. No idea why though.

Perfect timing picture? Coincidently, I have another picture of her like in 2004 with the same exact take. Me in the background and she's yawning also. But in the older picture; showing her teeth!

Playtime with the twins. Baby's jealous Monroe's on her pillow. *Teehee!

This one is just so beautiful of her. 

Baby & I.

Baby's always camera-shy.

[You will forever be loved. I love you babygirl.]

♥

Wanting so bad to hug you one more time. I miss you Mussie!

I feel you. (This is for you BabyGirl.)

To:

My bestest of best friends.

My baby, my sweetheart, my 宝贝.

This will be a very long letter for you. All my memories, my everything that I had with you.

Before I start anything else, I just gotta wish you a very Happy Birthday! Though I'm 5days (18/1) early, but I'm afraid I wouldn't have the chance anymore. So, Happy Birthday babygirl. You will always be loved.

You! 

You have always been there for me.

Counting back the times we've been together, it has already been 11 years. You're officially 15 this year, and I remember you coming to me when I'm about the age of 10. You arrive a few months before my grandmother passed away. I remember you constantly got blamed for looking like her (your eyes), and how dad disliked you. But that made me just want to protect and love you more. (My baby)

After those years when I was a kid, and you were 4years of age, came puberty and being hormonally unstable with emotions I knew nothing of. You! It was you, who was always there, and still you are here for/with me. Getting me through human limitations, getting through lies and betrayals, just by being you. You never gave me advice or comforting words, but you being there and wiping my tears was just what I needed.

You! are perfect.

You! are my first love.

You! the one I lost my first kiss to. (though some people really don't exactly take that into account because you're you, and I'm me, and it just didn't seem possible for me to fall for you and love you with all my heart. But I did, never regretted a day of it!)

Remember those days when you would hide under the table and I would sneak snacks under it just for you? And mom would always nag me for doing that. Dad disliked the whole idea of it. But they came to acceptance, especially daddy. He loved you and took care of you when the whole family wasn't there, only him and you. How the years have changed him. Although you are still the same and even more mischievous rascal I've let into my room. (I always missed your warmth, your kisses, the allergies you gave me.)

But you've given me a few surprises though everyday you give mom, dad, bro and I a few predictable surprises. Your unpredictable surprises had always and still brought me to tears. The few times I cried my eyes and heart out while having you in my arms. Wrapped with warmth and embrace. Mummy will always be the one catching me hugging you whilst crying in the room. The shock on her face now brings a little smile to my face, but her speechlessness, even just for those few moments will always be held serious. Then she'll come comfort me and tell me that you'll be alright. And indeed, always you have. (I have some silly pictures of you when you were given anesthetic, and was partially conscious. You looked so cute in the pictures. But gave me jitters before those pictures were taken.)

Going to university to continue my studies have made me neglect you the first year when I was in Foundation. I really did miss you. Hugging a plushie just isn't even close compared to having you next to me. Every week when I return home, you're usually the first I'd see at the door or at home, because everyone else would be out at work or school. You used to be so excited to see me coming home. And would share meals I brought back with me. (which some were sometimes a little too spicy for you and made you purge afterwards.)

The saddest part about my second semester at uni was that slowly you grew attached to mummy, daddy and brother dear. I couldn't make it back home every weekend, sometimes a month only once. You were getting older as the months passed. Soon enough, I was forgotten by you. You would not even hear me calling. Or come listen to me playing your favourite pieces from Mozart or Beethoven. Not even when I want to share snacks with you. You would stick to brother dear and would leave me alone there sitting by the couch. (Honest to say, I really missed those times when we were closer.)

But then, you followed me to university. Being my roommate and the missing pieces just patched itself back. Everything was alright until you started getting ahead of yourself and messing up the whole place. I guess I had a part in messing it up, but at that point, I really couldn't bare living with you. (I regret not spending more time with you.)

Now, it's been 5-6hours now that I've spent solid time with you (other than going to the loo a couple of times), keeping you warm, feeding and warming up your cold body. Not to mention 5-6hours of pure tears as well. Seeing you starting out by limping scared me. Now you can hardly bend you legs. You've been at this for the past few hours, and I know how agonizing it is for you. I can see it by the way you breathe. Your heartbeats are quick yet shallow. You've been crying that long. I really can't bare watching you suffer like this. I really wanted to give you some chocolate, hoping you'd eat it and just sleep. But I can't possibly do that to you. It's the one decision hardest for me to make. But I prayed you'd sleep or get some rest, at least you would not have to think or feel the pain that much when you're asleep. But you cannot fall asleep. I guess the pain is killing you inside, just as it is killing me to see you like this. (My heart pains for you my love, it does.)

宝贝!

Just a couple of hours left.

You've settled down a little. I guess you're starting to feel tired now.

"The lights are dimmed, fan is off, please fall asleep baby."

Three words kept repeating from my mouth to her ears. "I love you."

It's now 3.40am. Just another 3hours and 20 minutes. Hang in there! I'll get you to the state 'I' (my hometown) to the specialist! I hate how they don't open 24hours and how incompetent state 'K' is to not have baby's specialist. Not even a doctor with of that expertise! Tsk!

But, that's the frustration talking. I dare not sleep for the fear of you not being there anymore once I've awaken. But I need to stay awake later to drive us there safely. I just wish time would move faster (x32) now. This has got to be one of the longest nights ever. 宝贝, funny how most of my longest nights are also because of your surprises. But I treasure all the time I spent with you during these difficult hours.

Now now. Here here.

Please do not cry anymore. You'll wake up the neighbours.

I know you're in pain. I feel you. [Forever hugs.]

There, there. [Sings songs] I know how much you love listening to music and singing. I hope you'll calm down and as I sing to you, my prayers in the songs are all for you. I really hope you'll get better, and that there will be a cure for your condition. I'm afraid of decisions as tough as the one I have to make tomorrow if there is no plausible treatment. God forbid that to happen please.

Please get well soon my love. I will be awaiting good news.

Love,

_________Me.

(To all reading, fingers crossed please. Pray my baby will come out of this fine. Please and thank you!)

I  really do love her.

I carry your heart with me.

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) 

I am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; 

And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (For you are my fate, my sweet) 

I want no world (For beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

Higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- E. E. Cumming