Strike Power and We'll just go with Emo.

Strike Power on Rangers,

and we'll just go with Emo instead.

Finally I understood it.

Finally I could feel what you felt.

Finally I could see what you saw.

Even the touches from what you've sensed.

It's now understood.

I see emo people around.

I hear their cries.

I feel their pain.

Cos I feel like that too.

Maybe I might have interpreted it wrongly.

But they are projection of my feelings.

They might not be parallel to what you feel,

...but you're not alone.

I dare not see what you wrote.

I dare not see what is posted.

I fear the feeling itself for the roots is you.

Where else shall I air out to?

To whom shall my unheard cries be heard?

All I see are emo people around.

I shall morph into one soon.

Or I already am.

Save me while I'm still sane.

Or let me be in vain.

Emotionally burnt.

Fire extinguisher anyone?

My moods just swings about,

and chronologically with events that happen.

Don't mind me (:

Fruitilicious.

Guess what.

It's that time again. It's Durian Season once more!

Yeah the HINT is pretty obvious from the picture itself.

Was with the family having a hearty breakfast.

Then mommy went marketing.

Bro went off to meet friends.

Leaving daddy and I, whom went Durian shopping. Laughs!

So here's the stall we went to. They just opened that's why only a few durians were displayed. The one guy was brushing off the dried leaves stuck on the durians. Another was dealing and choosing durians for another buyer.

So here's the pakcik opening the durian for the uncle. (:

There's a WRONG looking picture after this. :P (Below)

Here's my beloved Daddy choosing durians. TeeHee!

Daddy's serious look :P

Durians Durians everywhere!

So this is what daddy has chosen, but not all of it yet.

This was taken way earlier than before daddy paid.

This is the boss owner. [Lawls]

This picture is sort of WRONG again because of the knife. Aiks!

But he is one friendly guy.

All the way from Taiping bringing the fallen fruits of the morning.

The friendly owner opened up a couple of durians for us to eat,

while chatting with daddy. Glee!

Om nom Nom nom Nom! Yummydelic!

My handsome daddy!

I love you daddy! ❤

He was asking me to have some than just taking pictures,

...which explains him looking like he's talking. TeeHee!

Narrator: A brother suddenly appeared.

Laughs! Imitating Pokemon. TeeHee!

Well, my brother suddenly reappeared for some durians!

Him again. and durians!

Om Nom Nommmmm DELICIOUS!

So that's for this morning's fruit shopping session!

Waiting for daddy to come home to open up some yummy durians!

Or we (Mummy & I) will just get my dearest bro to do that :P

[drools] (:

Lost and Found.

Finally found the missing one.

..what if I wanted to go missing now?

Feeling of humiliation which not on me but that of others when with me.

Feelings of being too sensitive to everyone around.

But I know what I've done, and maybe that's why these feeling are there.

If only there was a hole for me to hide in.

A black hole to suck me in.

But for now, it's just me and my blanket.

Hiding under the covers, with nothing but the shirt on my back and emotions.

Numbing myself from all these feelings.

Is it even possible to be so robotic and just not care, feel or desire those feelings?

One found, another goes missing.

Slowly fading, slowly dying.

Memories coming back. The ones she tries to avoid most. The ones she tries to repress. Tried so hard to store them away in that hidden place where no one knows. Not even you.

Why did it have to come out. Did she put too much in there that it just had no more space to spare keeping all those deep dark memories?

She's feeling so hurt and injured now.

Both in and out.

The thoughts of them makes me sad.

The wounds they left her are now scars but still they hurt just as much as they did before. Sometimes it feels like those wounds never did actually heal. As though as when it was about to start healing, someone or thing would come along and run a blunt blade through it. Unintentional of what those words, things, memories are, that's why it's blunt. But a blade will always be a blade and never defeats it's purpose of cutting something even if it is blunt. Slowly, it just does.

I wonder has she ever forgiven them?

the saying of "Forgive and Forget", but I don't think she's forgotten what they did. In spite of it all, it still hurts eventhough it's been 6 years now. Her longest wound.

2years ago, the second most hurtful one after that 6years one.

Latest would be this year. Two person left.

I have others who are way way awesome and without doubt better than them. She does too. She should appreciate what she has than reminiscing in the past, shouldn't she?

I know I should.

I know she should too.

She does appreciate them.

What worries me most is the past will come, reenacting itself again.

What she fears now is losing you, you, you and you.

She told you that she don't seem to care.

She said that it isn't a big deal.

Showing you and I a smile that could fool just anyone.

Letting everyone know that everything's alright.

She don't fool me.

Deep down I see through what she's hiding.

The mirror, that fake image of who she wants to be.

Yet not yet achieving it is killing her deeply inside.

She can't solve it by herself.

Yet being oh-so-stubborn not to get help from people.

Or she's just thinking that she's alright and ignore the problem she evades so much.

I see her and I cry.

I can't bare seeing her go through it all.

Somehow wished that there's a plug I could pull to help her end this.

But then I'd be playing God. Which I never would want to.

Seeing someone you love in deep pain.

Never ending mockings.

Taking everything so bloody personally like everything's just about her.

Knowing that you are just there but can do nothing to aid her.

...it's heart breaking.

I pray you'll be alright.

I pray God will give you strength to carry on and pick yourself up from where you are.

I pray the pain will be rebuked and happiness and joy overflow inside of you instead.

Father God, hear her cries and give her strength to get back on her feet. I would wish you would just erase her sad memories, but she'll just get hurt just the same if it repeats again. Help her to forgive them and move on from there. Help her learn to let go. She's stubborn and denies help from anyone, but I just pray she'll open up her heart and break the stone that is making her cold. Only You can help her since no man can. Please. In Your name I ask and pray. Amen.

New clinic at Kampar.

Was sick again. As usual, had to get dragged to the clinic, cos my stubbornness just prevents me from going there. Being so caring and loving, my dear brought me to the clinic.

She's just so OSM! Love her to bits! (:

So anyways, had a tonsil thingy going on. It was kind of real mean and nasty, hard to swallow stuff; in a way good for me to evade binging on food. [Lawls]

(My dear is so gonna 'swt' on this :P )

So I was thinking; Oh tidaks. Medicine again! More stuff to swallow; more pain!

Then the doctor suddenly stopped and stared.

Asked, "Do you have a fever?" --No, I said.

Then he told me that "this is a special remedy which will absolutely work!"

And somehow, dear and I got 'lectured' on tonsils for 3minutes or so. [Laughs]

But then, he instructed me to get to Tesco to buy ICECREAM and eat it.

I should be feeling better after that.

Yes, you did not see wrong!

it's ICECREAM!

Well, my eyes lite with GLEE and excitement when I heard ICECREAM!

..cos I thought that before I went to the clinic that "Oh crap, i need to avoid cold foods, spicy delic Indian curry and fried stuff -- sadface"

BUT BUT BUT...!!! ICECREAM happened ((:

[GLEE!]

And as true as it was, I did get better with help from icecream.

It didn't cure me completely but helped my throat feel way way better in within 1hour after eating ICECREAM.

The medicine was surprisingly effective. Unlike those I've taken from other clinic in KAMPAR. (Shhh... =X)

..but honestly I think for the rest of my campus-life here, I'd definitely go to this clinic of ICECREAMs :D

Doctor is way friendly;

just the type of doc I need-- cos I love talking and asking questions!

I think deardear also prefers this doc to others? [Lol]

Learn alot from talking to him.

and and most importantly ---ICECREAM!

Nahh! [Laughs], not icecream but EFFECTIVE meds!

So here's the 2nd time we're seeing him.

First was me. Second was deardear.

She had a small cut at the sole of her feet. Seemed like nothing much, but Dr Manoj (his name) found 4, yes, FOUR! shattered glass pieces in there. One was so big, that I think my eyeballs almost popped out from my eye socket.

So presenting the doctor that SAVED my dear's life.

(who knows what might have happened if it stayed there and ended up in the blood stream)

Lifesaver (:

Dr Manoj -all in a serious mode. Prescribing meds (:

Deardear and Dr M. (:

Dr M explaining after his treatment for deardear's leg.

Recommended to visit this clinic!

...and the upside, it's 24/7!

No 2229, Jalan Batu Karang Taman Bandar Baru 31900 Kampar, Perak

Poliklinik Dr. Manoj & Surgeri (24hours)

...we care about your health...

new clinic opened in June 2010.

Recommended (:

CHEERS!

A Sense of Relief.

6.04am

[clenching mouse firmly]

....scrolling up and down, switching from different notes, browsers and word doc.

6.20am

[Clicks on Save As button]

..goes to email and attach file.

[type some more stuffs]

6.34am

[Clicks on the Send button]

YES YES YES !!!

I've typed and squeezed every inch of my brain juice into it. Phew~

Thank God it's done.

Well it's like 75% done. But the load off my shoulder is just ALOT. My shoulder feels like it has feathers on them only. Just a little load and not like before where I thought for a sec that my dog was piggy-back riding me.

Hopefully it'll get done before the due-time, cos technically it's already the due-date day.

[Fingers crossed]

But now to do some light reading on Political Science.

Just a little prep for a paper later.

Then off to bed. Too exhausted, and I feel my sick coming on again.

GOSHHHH!

Don't want to get sick.

So anyways, Cheers everyone!

Ganbatte to those who are in their assignment periods and exams.

All the best everyone!

...don't forget your HEALTH!

nothing's more important than it. (:

Wishes everyone Pink of Health yo!

Cherio (:

My peeps yo!

Suddenly just thought through some stuff. And while rummaging through them stuffs, I realised that I've actually passed by alot of groups. And I mean ALOT! Somehow it felt like they were a phase of what I was then. Leaving them just brought me more to where I am now. The cuts and bruises, even the many scars that are etched on me, all have made me stronger. But the journey never just ends there.

From those I called as family, friends, to labeling them as friendnemy. All the betrayals and war thrown. It seriously ought to be called the FROZEN THRONE then where we were all fighting in a awful cold war. Things just had to always end up bad. Some new people would come and ruin it.

But by saying that, I could just be that NEW person who goes to the other group and just ruin them.

The past few years since I've started, well I tried to start a fresh start but the past now keeps chasing up to me. And it's catching up. They come in tanks and battleships but disguised as cute fluffy bunnies and plushies for others to see. But deep inside I know what they are capable of doing - I was one of their art work which escaped from their gallery to escape that humiliation of being their mockery, being hung there vulnerable to everyone and everything. Helpless, defenseless, without backup.

I don't want this to be another phase of my life where the people just suddenly leaves. Suddenly just start a cold unexpected war. Suddenly me crying over something I did not see coming yet know that it would eventually arrive. I don't want to lose you, you, you and you!

No I don't.

I won't allow it.

But what if they were the ones who wants to go?

How could I possibly stop them?

Maybe I'm now just over my head.

Thinking of things that just wouldn't happen no matter what.

Like every other human being.

I admit that I am greedy.

I want the best ones of the flock!

And therefore my choice of wanting YOU.

You, you , you, you and you!

You guys are all that I want.

My MCD.

My besties.

My babes.

My buds.

My dudes.

My dudettes!

My devils.

My angels.

My lovers.

The one I can call my own.

I shant give up on you.

I hope you won't too.

I don't want this to be another book in which I shall have to finish reading eventually and the book just grows legs and run away.

All for one and one for all.

I'll be the one for all.

Will you be the all for one?

...should there be terms and conditions?

Laughs! Jokes.

I love you guys.

OSM MCD !

Yal just ROCK MY WORLD!

And you should always know it! (:

*H&K*

Tired suddenly.

I'm just so discouraged to do anything now.

Have this feeling of missing someone. Like how someone's just not there anymore.

Feeling lost. Being empty and hollow,

..and every word uttered just echoes unheard.

Have been having this feeling the whole day now.

And it doesn't seem to be going away.

You just had to keep popping into my mind.

I hate how we had that conversation.

I hate how you never did actually show what you said.

Hate that you never seem to care.

*Well actually hate is a rather strong word; and I dislike using it.

But in this context, it just sounds right.

Don't mean I mean it so harsh.

I'm unwell.

I'm just not right.

Things inside are just making me feel all messed up.

On top and all.

I just feel so wrong.

I don't want to feel this way anymore.

My mind is messed up.

Feelings effed up.

My heart's all tangled with veins of thoughts cos they keep crossing each other.

Why do you make me feel the way that I am?

Why do things just have to work out so sequentially?

Why do I have to think about this?

and why am I still asking why to all this?

It's all happened before.

Why now? Why again?

Sighs.

[Still there for me - Corbin Blue ft. Vanessa Hudgens]

The song that's playing in my mind.

Are you there for me?

Even when I can't be there for you. Will you be?

I want to say I will always be there for you.

I know I will try to.

I've never so far not be.

Just feels so hollow here.

Wants so much to feel how's it's like being there with you.

Can you just be there for me?

Just random thoughts of mine.

Not intended for anyone, or maybe it is.

But I could just be messing with your mind. (:

So Cheers!

Go and love.

Be loved and spread love.

"Kind is love with it's work boots on."

No merry mare.

Sweaty, head all heated up with pains all over.

I'd definitely rank THAT as one of my worst nightmares yet!

Though I can't exactly recall the exact events of it, but the feeling it left me with was utterly the MOST unforgettable one yet! Feeling lost. Feeling scared. Feeling like all hope's gone. Feeling that pain in your heart when you've lost somebody. Grievance. It is all those feelings and more that made it so creepy.

It felt like as if I have car sickness and that fear inside of some sort of phobia which just wants to get out. Just feel like puking from that.

But I couldn't remember what it was about.

Just that when I woke up, I knew about someone's lost. I felt that pain.

And straight thought about the ones I loved, and the fear of losing them just automatically came to me.

My head is still pounding.

Felt like how you've hit your head so hard and so bad that it's indented there.

The dent is still there on ur car and nothing you can do from the outside can make it flex again. Ouchs!

Hope to find some hugs soon.

Trying to make this feeling fade away.

Very unpleasant indeed!

I honestly think that for me, my nightmares are defined from not what they are about.

But it's about the feeling I'm left with while and after dreaming it.

I have terrifying, upsetting dreams before. But no fear of it as they sometimes don't give me a feeling of anything like this whatsoever.

It's the feeling that scares me.

Some part of me feel like it's a type of Freudian's dream analysis-type.

Yet some part just fears that it's Jungian's. :\

Gosh!

God, let it just be a dream.

Losing people, I want not.

Bombarded.

Apparently I couldn't figure out what was my initial post-idea was, cos had everything in mind but it just got lost in transition as it was on the way here from some obstacle that kind of knocked or shook it out of my head. :\

So this is what you're gonna read for now.

No worries though. Will think hard for it to come back.

If it doesn't, oh well. That's just too bad.

So........here goes.

Sometimes it's just darn bombastic that something like this could go so so wrong,

and I still find space to laugh it out.

It's definitely crazy, but no point catering to that emodelicness, right?

Well I guess it's becoming a trend..

...which I so need to take no heart in.

People just come and go.

*Click click Click*, *Type type Type*, *edits..... Oopps! ERROR!*

.....and that's goes straight to the Recycle Bin.

Even that's done EVERY and most of the time on a computer...

and to every other demeaning things in life.

Everyday, all the time.

It's freaking tiresome to catch up and explain and just want to make things right.

Humans are sometimes just freaking reluctant.

..and becomes that UNWILLING client.

Those around them; we people can take your crap and yet still settle to get things right.

But we're still mere humans.

Patience is one thing you don't want to temper with. It just freaking explodes without warning if spices are added to it.

Honestly sometimes I feel so tired that I don't want to make up,

but always and mostly regret not doing so.

Maybe I see friends as friends, and still wanting to maintain as friends even if things do mess up which if you calculate, I assume and predict that some things just hardly or NEVER goes as they seem / planned out to be.

Maybe I'm the black sheep.

Maybe no one just freaking thinks like me.

Ponders. :\

Limitations.

Question, Question.

Should we be gone with it?

But who are we to play God.

So I guess I'd just have to live with it and accept the fact that people are meant to leave.

Or how else would I have enough space for more to come in. Right?

Maybe losing you will be something good. Or it may not.

But who is to tell.

Who knows?

..........Time will tell.

(:

P/S: Yes and I've noticed that my favourite adjective today is 'Freaking'.

...not forgetting my favourite and most used emoticon is the douche-face, '=\'

Maybe not so much in this post. But while talking, chatting, posting my status updates. [LOL]

Infectious Emo.

You know how virus evolves,

and gets stronger like how we humans do by learning from our mistakes?

[by the way, now I'm thinking virus are like those mad scientists in those fictional cartoons i used to watch, just trying to take over the world by wiping clear of the human race.]

eg: H1N1 ----> H1N2 ----> bla bla bla.. [and the list goes on]

Well emoness seems to have grown and evolved becoming something like that.

Every other emo person infects the other with emoness which leads to more emoness til that person just becomes depressed and losses interest in everything else.

You my friend just infected me with more emo.

I was emo to begin with,

and now more emo than ever.

You help traffic thought flow in my mind.

Just how awesomely that sounds,

I wished that those trafficking of thoughts could actually turn to assignment stuffs..

How awesome would that be?!

Then maybe, just maybe I'll be able to brew some massive ideas for writing the report.

Tralala.

So now I'll just be a flee and jump to the nearest person's head and spread this wonderful viral of emoness.

At least you'll know you're still capable of thinking.

Plans for today; later, I hope they will turn out fine.

*fingers-crossed*

...so at least ONE other thing which I can control would work out. (:

Cheers! (:

Have a great day yal.

IMY.

Even though its been so long,

my love for you keeps going strong

I remember the things that we used to do,

a kiss in the rain

Til' the sun shined through,

I'd try to deny it,

but I'm still in love with you

I miss you like crazy,

I miss you like crazy,

ever since you went away

Every hour of every day,

I miss you like crazy,

I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do,

there's just no getting over you

I can see the love shining in your eyes,

and it comes as such a sweet surprise

If seeing's believing its worth the wait,

so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,

we're starting forever now,

And I miss you like crazy

I miss you like crazy,

ever since you went away,

every hour of every day

I miss you like crazy,

I miss you baby,

a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and we're there again

Just one night and we'll have that magic feeling like we used to do

Hold on tight and whatever comes our way we're gonna make it through

If seeing's believing its worth the wait,

so hold me and tell me its not too late

We're so good together,

we're starting forever now

And I miss you like crazy,

I miss you like crazy

No matter what I say or do there's just no getting over you

And I miss you (baby),

I miss you (baby),

all the tender love you gave me

When a feeling gets this strong,

you know the real thing come along

And I miss you,

I miss you like crazy baby,

only you're sweet love

Can save me,

I miss you like crazy,

a love like ours will never end

Just touch me and we're there again,

Miss you like crazy,

I miss you like crazy

What she says.

Reminiscing about the past brought me to tears again.

For some reasons, I always pin stuff on myself.

Just can't seem to come to senses about this.

It hurts inside and I know that it just hurts too much.

I don't want you to feel this way too.

When you said I was her.

I associated me being her, and what she is now.

Not there beside you.

Not there to hold your hand.

Not there to say I'm sorry that I actually do care about you.

Never ever to say I love you ever again.

Sometimes it just seems like somethings are too good to be true.

I love the clouds alot.

Always wanting to reach out for it.

Never could actually reach it no matter how hard I tried.

Not even going to the highest building could I grasp you.

I could only catch you in pictures.

But you sometimes run too quick that only my eyes could behold you and keep you in memory sake, but sadly it is vulnerable to fade.

I actually never had what you have.

I do see it as, "Do unto others what you'd want others to do unto you."

To treat others like how you'd want to be treated.

Don't trash others if you don't want to get trashed.

Respect others then you shall gain it.

Love others and you'll eventually see love flowing back to you.

You'll reap what you sow.

What I do, unconsciously, maybe I wanted those things to be done to me.

But I don't expect anything from anyone.

I just do what I can.

Though out of everyone, I wished that you'd know me.

But that's too much to ask.

...and I shant.

Preparing myself to be strong for situations to come which I feared most.

But I keep hurting myself cos everyday I try to get away from you,

I get drawn in and eventually end up doing what I am now again.

Tearing.

Maybe it's the virus.

Maybe it's all this stress.

I don't know which factor it would be.

From everyone,

People just expect changes.

For the better.

Better service to make them happier.

But she told me that all she ever wanted was just for you to say 'don't change'.

Dont you ever wish

You were someone else

You were meant to be

The way you are exactly

Dont you ever say

You dont like the way you are

When you learn to love yourself

Youre better off by far

And I hope you always stay the same

Cause theres nothing bout you I would change

I think that you could be

Whatever you wanted to be

If you could realize

All the dreams you have inside

Dont be afraid

If youve got something to say

Just open up your heart

And let it show you the way

Believe in yourself

Reach down inside

The love you find will set you free

Believe in yourself

You will come alive

Have faith in what you do

Youll make it through

Dont change...

"There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time for you, you, you and you.

I've not been blogging much yo.

Well, I have.

But not in a orderly, tailored...

....and basically not much of CONSISTENCY going about.

He says I'm not loyal to my viewers.

[Sobs!]

I do wish to have time to blog more.

It enlightens me and gives me a strange feeling of peace.

Cos I blog everything out.

(though some stuff are a little secret secret)

[TeeHee!]

Vogue?

Vague?

That's definitely for you to find out.

It's all subjective yo. (:

No right or wrong.

Cos if there is a right and wrong to be chosen,

it's gotta be both of them.

I guess that's why people are so smart~

those who say "don't know" as an answer.

Know not of which to choose.

Is it right?

or...maybe it's just wrong?

looks right? yet so wrong?

sounds wrong yet feels so right?

[Laughs!!!]

Aww... it's just so controversial because there is no right or wrong answer.

Some people just follows the crowd; their peers, to want to gain that acceptance feel.

But who wants to feel left out right?

....or could I be wrong?

[Givin' that eye-widened-look]

Oh look!

I just posted a post!

With something to mind-boggle you all.

(hope it does or else this would be an epic fail sentence!)

So til the next post we shall meet.

I shall bid thee fare well~

[LOLed]

Cheers! (:

I wanna break every clock,

the hands of time could never move again.

You should know but shant.

We're all pressured.

I know I'm suppose to tell you.

But I couldn't find the words to.

I don't want to distract you or trouble you.

You have enough on your mind as it is to handle.

You might say I'm silly.

You might say I'm selfish.

but guess what, all I did was think of you.

Never stopped for a second not to.

Listening to you makes my heart wet with tears.

It's not that you're hurting me.

But too nice that I'm hurting myself.

I fear too much,

and just dare not.

Should I just leave it as it is?

Or fix it and risk messing it all up?

So vexed.

I wished you could tell me.

But I didn't want to waste your time.

I know I shouldn't,

cos it will be wrong.

But then I'll have to refrain from you.

The problem starts from me and my thoughts.

Gosh.

Dearie. I miss you.

I know you know.

I can't be soft and let you know tears shed.

Need to be strong to support you and not burden.

I may be wrong.

But at least I think I'm right.

You know you can do it.

Cos I know you can. (:

加油。