Memories coming back. The ones she tries to avoid most. The ones she tries to repress. Tried so hard to store them away in that hidden place where no one knows. Not even you.
Why did it have to come out. Did she put too much in there that it just had no more space to spare keeping all those deep dark memories?
She's feeling so hurt and injured now.
Both in and out.
The thoughts of them makes me sad.
The wounds they left her are now scars but still they hurt just as much as they did before. Sometimes it feels like those wounds never did actually heal. As though as when it was about to start healing, someone or thing would come along and run a blunt blade through it. Unintentional of what those words, things, memories are, that's why it's blunt. But a blade will always be a blade and never defeats it's purpose of cutting something even if it is blunt. Slowly, it just does.
I wonder has she ever forgiven them?
the saying of "Forgive and Forget", but I don't think she's forgotten what they did. In spite of it all, it still hurts eventhough it's been 6 years now. Her longest wound.
2years ago, the second most hurtful one after that 6years one.
Latest would be this year. Two person left.
I have others who are way way awesome and without doubt better than them. She does too. She should appreciate what she has than reminiscing in the past, shouldn't she?
I know I should.
I know she should too.
She does appreciate them.
What worries me most is the past will come, reenacting itself again.
What she fears now is losing you, you, you and you.
She told you that she don't seem to care.
She said that it isn't a big deal.
Showing you and I a smile that could fool just anyone.
Letting everyone know that everything's alright.
She don't fool me.
Deep down I see through what she's hiding.
The mirror, that fake image of who she wants to be.
Yet not yet achieving it is killing her deeply inside.
She can't solve it by herself.
Yet being oh-so-stubborn not to get help from people.
Or she's just thinking that she's alright and ignore the problem she evades so much.
I see her and I cry.
I can't bare seeing her go through it all.
Somehow wished that there's a plug I could pull to help her end this.
But then I'd be playing God. Which I never would want to.
Seeing someone you love in deep pain.
Never ending mockings.
Taking everything so bloody personally like everything's just about her.
Knowing that you are just there but can do nothing to aid her.
...it's heart breaking.
I pray you'll be alright.
I pray God will give you strength to carry on and pick yourself up from where you are.
I pray the pain will be rebuked and happiness and joy overflow inside of you instead.
Father God, hear her cries and give her strength to get back on her feet. I would wish you would just erase her sad memories, but she'll just get hurt just the same if it repeats again. Help her to forgive them and move on from there. Help her learn to let go. She's stubborn and denies help from anyone, but I just pray she'll open up her heart and break the stone that is making her cold. Only You can help her since no man can. Please. In Your name I ask and pray. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment